Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Tale of a Six Year Old Sinner

"All of us have sinned and fallen short of God's glory." -The Bible (Romans 3:23)

Sin. It's such an icky word. None of us like to think about it, and it is awful to face our own sins. However, sin is one of the common factors of being a human being. All of us have sinned.

As a child, I was very aware of my own sinful nature. Not because of a church upbringing or because someone told me about it. But because it was true. In first grade, one of my best friends had a silver ring with a charm that dangled from it. I wanted one so badly. One day in reading class, she took it off and left it on her desk. The bell rang, and she walked back to homeroom, leaving the ring on her desk. I took it, and put it on. (Man, I'm starting to feel like I was a young Schmiegle in Lord of the Rings!) I wore it with my hand tucked in my pocket, concealing the ring...and my shame.

Later that day in P.E. class, we were running laps, and I fell down hard on the pavement. I got up to walk across a grassy area to find help. With tears welling up in my eyes, I walked across the grass, and the ring fell off. My eyes were so filled with tears that I couldn't see to find it! It was gone forever. Even if I wanted to give it back, I couldn't. Ugh. What was worse, my soul felt marred by my sin, and there was nothing I could do to subdue it. I held my guilt inside for the next three years, until one night I couldn't take it any longer, and I confessed to my dear Mom, who sweetly comforted me and told me that it's not good to hold that stuff inside. Still, the guilt stayed with me.

It might sound like a silly first grade story, but committing that sin (and feeling the weight of it) was the beginning of my spiritual journey. I knew I was in need of forgiveness. My soul longed for a Savior!

(Just as a side note, I finally confessed to my friend about the ring when I was 25 years old--better late than never!)

4 comments:

Autumn's Mom said...

Every night I ask God to take the sin from my heart. Take the sin, the hate, the anxiety, the worry. I literally ask Him every day because every day it's there. I thank him often for sending Jesus to save me from myself. I wish everyone in my life felt the blessing I feel knowing Him.

These are really great Tracy, I give thanks for you too!!

Solo alguien más said...

Hola Tracy, gracias por visitar mi Blog, no se mucho ingles, pero por lo que puedo entender eres una persona religiosa, que bueno, nuevamente gracias y suerte. slds

Miss Nibbles said...

My ad-lib scattered take of a verse... um, in the bible... (LAUGHS... I can't reference anything, even when I CAN quote it perfectly... I"m like, you know that one that is highlighted in pink on the right side of my bible with the note in blue pen that says "Thank GOD!")

But the verse you made me think of says something like, "when you have sinned much, you are forgiven much, and because of THAT you understand mercy more completely, and are ever more grateful.

I think I fall in that category.

Miss Nibbles

kate said...

SIN, yuck. Sin is a constant nasty thing that is ever present in my life. I have grown up a Christian, and in a Christian home, where I followed him as saviour. I too can remember moments like you detailed from my own childhood, of figuring out the process. I have to say being in a graceless type of existance in the way I was raised, I always still did the, 'I live in grace, but can do my best to be righteous' thing until I got married. I just always wanted to to the right thing, and be thought of in that way. It was in that time and maybe just before it, that I saw just how nasty and unfixable in my own strength I was. Sin was just going to always be a struggle and that even though I may think I could still do this or that to make it right, I would ultimately and conclusively still fail. I understood at that time, the magnificent and beautiful blood of Christ and how He makes me righteous, and nothing, meaning, NO THING in and of my own strength that I could ever do would be able to produce it. And Honestly, THANK JESUS FOR THAT! I finally understood grace, in receiving it fully, letting myself fall into the bottomless net that it is. When I did that, it freed me to live and really love. To give love and receive love like I never had.

I remember going up for communion one time at my old church in Austin, Tx, Hope Chapel. The worship pastor there was giving me the elements. He passed me the body and we prayed for some things un my life. Then His wife handed him the the blood element, which he passed to me saying, "Kate, drink your righteousness." I stopped in my tracks, and slowly took it in. I then took the cup and symbolizing the all over aspect of that pretend to pour it over my head. That statement has never left me, especially at the celebrations of the the Lord's supper. I imagine in that moment, the blood of Christ scarlet and deep, pouring over me. And me from head to toe becoming whiter and whiter as I dance, spinning wildly before the one who sees me as just that. Righteous in Him.

I am so grateful and thankful for Jesus!