Thursday, August 23, 2007

Morning Haze, Perfect Love, and Follow-Through

I woke up a few minutes ago, and I'm still in a morning haze. There is something cool about writing through the haze. My inhibitions haven't quite kicked in yet. There is a certain level of unselfconsciousness that accompanies the morning haze. An honesty. I have had a personal breakthrough this week. Hubs and I had a great conversation about five days ago. I was feeling a bit defeated and overwhelmed in terms of how in the world my acting career will ever get going. After listening and really trying to hear where I was coming from, he asked me a great question: What is holding you back?

As I stopped to evaluate what it was that was holding me back, the thing I came up with was fear. Fear sneaks in so subtly. I realized that I am afraid of having nothing to show for my acting dreams. Afraid of bothering my agent if I call to check in. Afraid that if I get a certain acting job that I won't be able to deliver the goods.

I asked the Lord in prayer what to do about this, and I felt that His answer to me was "Follow through." Just follow through on things! So I have been taking that morsel of truth to heart, and amazing things have happened. I decided to pick up the phone and make two phone calls that I've needed to make, but haven't.

The first call was to Actors' Equity Association, the union I am part of for stage actors. I had heard and read that it might be possible for me to qualify to join the Screen Actors' Guild through my AEA affiliation. A few minutes after calling to ask, I had ascertained that indeed, I did qualify, and all I needed to do was pop into the Equity office to pick up a letter and walk it down the hall to the SAG office, which is in the very same building. Tuesday, I did just that, and the SAG office told me that I should be getting a letter in the mail inviting me to join. Easy peasy!

The second call I have needed to make is to my agency, that I genuinely like, but has only sent me out on one audition in the past six months. I called yesterday and spoke to a new agent working there. He couldn't have been kinder to me, and he scheduled me to come in for a meeting this afternoon.

I am just a little amazed at how fear has been holding me back.

Two Scripture verses that I have been meditating on during the past few days are:

1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear...

Romans 8:15 For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."

God is love, and as our Father, He wants to impart His love to me...that perfect love that drives out fear. I have been really blessed by His love this week, as I've seen it in action...driving out my fear, and giving me the courage to follow through!


Sharon said...

I think the two biggest fears of pursuing our dreams can be summed up in two questions:
What if I fail? What if I succeed?

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

The Lord never fails us.
You are your only barrier and you make your own limits.

Remove the barrier and limits, and the world is yours.

You are well on your way.

Big hugs, good luck!

Scarlett & Viaggiatore

Cherry said...

What a wonderful breakthrough! I'm so happy for you in taking those steps forward feeling the strength of your faith to back you up.

Good luck in your meeting today!

Anonymous said...

Good for you. It's difficult to follow through on things. Fear and doubt (the first cousin to fear, if you ask me) creep in. I'm glad that you outwitted them. *yeah*

wordnerd said...

Good things are's amazing what a little support, at the right time, can do for your soul.

I'm proud of you for doing these things...and happy for you that Husby is there at all the right times.

Have a good weekend friend!

Love Bears All Things said...

I have had so many fears in my life. Whenever I have stepped out on faith to conquer them, I am amazed at the feelings I get. We need to step out of our comfort zone more often, and with "His Blessing" experience what wonders life has to offer!
Mama Bear

Buttercup said...

I find that usually the thing holding me back at its root is fear. I stayed in my job out of fear, I stayed in my old relationship out of fear, and... let's see, what am I doing now out of fear... probably eating to put off the inevitable (bad habit). Anyway, good for you for facing your demons.