Morning Haze, Perfect Love, and Follow-Through

I woke up a few minutes ago, and I'm still in a morning haze. There is something cool about writing through the haze. My inhibitions haven't quite kicked in yet. There is a certain level of unselfconsciousness that accompanies the morning haze. An honesty. I have had a personal breakthrough this week. Hubs and I had a great conversation about five days ago. I was feeling a bit defeated and overwhelmed in terms of how in the world my acting career will ever get going. After listening and really trying to hear where I was coming from, he asked me a great question: What is holding you back?

As I stopped to evaluate what it was that was holding me back, the thing I came up with was fear. Fear sneaks in so subtly. I realized that I am afraid of having nothing to show for my acting dreams. Afraid of bothering my agent if I call to check in. Afraid that if I get a certain acting job that I won't be able to deliver the goods.

I asked the Lord in prayer what to do about this, and I felt that His answer to me was "Follow through." Just follow through on things! So I have been taking that morsel of truth to heart, and amazing things have happened. I decided to pick up the phone and make two phone calls that I've needed to make, but haven't.

The first call was to Actors' Equity Association, the union I am part of for stage actors. I had heard and read that it might be possible for me to qualify to join the Screen Actors' Guild through my AEA affiliation. A few minutes after calling to ask, I had ascertained that indeed, I did qualify, and all I needed to do was pop into the Equity office to pick up a letter and walk it down the hall to the SAG office, which is in the very same building. Tuesday, I did just that, and the SAG office told me that I should be getting a letter in the mail inviting me to join. Easy peasy!

The second call I have needed to make is to my agency, that I genuinely like, but has only sent me out on one audition in the past six months. I called yesterday and spoke to a new agent working there. He couldn't have been kinder to me, and he scheduled me to come in for a meeting this afternoon.

I am just a little amazed at how fear has been holding me back.

Two Scripture verses that I have been meditating on during the past few days are:

1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear...

Romans 8:15 For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."

God is love, and as our Father, He wants to impart His love to me...that perfect love that drives out fear. I have been really blessed by His love this week, as I've seen it in action...driving out my fear, and giving me the courage to follow through!