I recently completed a wall of honeymoon pictures in our home. We showed the wall to one of our good friends, and he commented that we had both aged a lot in the last year. Ouch! I was completely annoyed by the comment, but later realized that I was mostly annoyed by it because it was true.
We have had a very hard year. As far as our marriage/relationship goes, things are great! We are happily married and so thankful to have each other to weather life's storms. It's the storms, though, that have really taken a toll. We have had some significant stress in our lives: the sadness that comes with anticipating the death of a loved one while never knowing when death will strike, grieving the loss of my Dad, the endless quest for acting work, Hubs' job search. All of these things mixed with the adjustments that come with being a newlywed have been a lot to deal with, and when I look in the mirror, I can see that some of my youthful luster has worn away. Oh, and did I mention that I've gained 10 pounds?
Interestingly, though, it isn't a skin-deep weariness as much as it's a weariness of soul that you can see in the eyes and that is expressed in a less sparkling countenance. I feel a little bit ashamed to admit it, but I'm tired, and I don't feel like I really have the right to be. I haven't worked a day job for nearly 16 months. I have tons of free time. I shouldn't be tired, but I am.
My soul wants to cuddle up in its jammies and hibernate for a while, in desperate hope that it will awake feeling rejuvenated. Come to think of it, that is precisely what it was doing on our honeymoon in Kauai, which is probably why we look so young and refreshed in those pictures!
Most of my life, I have been regarded by others as effervescent. One person even called me "a red-headed life force from Texas", which I took as a supreme compliment. The thing is, I don't feel like I resemble that person right now.
When soda goes flat, it can't become fizzy again. Hmm. Maybe God is in the process of emptying my cup of flat soda, so that He can refill it with some sparking Perrier.
Lord, I could really use some of that right now.
5 comments:
I will be praying for your sparking Perrier!! :)
I relate my dear friend... I keep thinking aren't we supposed to "run and not be weary and walk and not faint"? So why am I oh so weary? Currently I'm praying that God will shift my paradigm so that I can see the world as He does. In the meantime I've found service to be the ultimate Perrier bottle. (I love the analogy, btw.) Still I think my glass is leaky so that's where the prayer comes in.
Just know that you're not in it alone. I'll keep you in my prayers.
I find that hard to believe (that you've aged). Every photo you post of yourself is GORGEOUS so I wouldn't spend any time worrying about someone's tactless comment. I know life can be tough sometimes, but hopefully you're on an upswing as far as stressful events go. You have an amazing attitude and I know you'll find your inner Perrier or atleast Pelligrino :-)
I hear you. And I do believe that the Lord gives us these periods in our lives to teach us and mold us to become great forces for Him.
Your Perrier will turn into champagne before you know it. :)
Oh honey, you got it right. I feel like a flat soda right now. Sigh. I could use a little effervescence myself. Ted said that there are days (like today) when it just doesn't seem worth it to get out of bed. Sigh.
Don't fret too much, friend. We'll get through this, and look back and say, "wow, glad I don't have to live that year over again." And yes, I'm so glad you have Hubs there, so you can guide each other through the dark.
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