Ally and Larry: Sigh.

I really only have one beef about the Ally McBeal series: that they never resolved Ally and Larry's storyline. It left me feeling very disappointed at the end of the series finale. I kept waiting for Larry to walk through the door, but he never did.

I'm choosing to believe that they reconnected after she moved to New York, and they found their way back to each other again. Their love story seemed perfect, even with all of its imperfections and challenges. They were meant to be.

Sigh.

Elaine Vassal sings "What I Did for Love" on Ally McBeal

Little secret: If you want to win me over, just write an audition storyline into any television episode, and I will sit there and cry like a baby.

It's no secret that Ally's assistant Elaine LOVES the spotlight, and she relishes the opportunity to perform. In one of the final episodes of the series called "Reality Bites", Elaine travels to New York City to audition for A Chorus Line. She chooses "Tits and Ass" as her audition song, which is a no-brainer song choice for her, but she doesn't really go all out. Consequently, she doesn't get a callback. Devastated, she returns to Boston and confides in Nelle, who works pulls some strings for her and gets her a callback.

Determined to show the producers what she's made of, Elaine returns to New York and sings the much more complex (and more appropriate for her) song "What I Did for Love" and dances her heart out. Though she doesn't land the job, she SHINES, and she's absolutely alive!

Every actor on earth can relate to A Chorus Line in one way or another, because it is a show about actors auditioning for a show, and how desperately they wish, "I hope I get it!"

One of the things that the tv series Ally McBeal does so masterfully is to juxtapose the characters' outward behavior with what's really going on in their inner worlds. It's fascinating! Ally is a dreamer, and I am a dreamer, too. One of the reasons the show so resonated with me (and specifically this episode) is because it reminds the dreamer in me to never stop dreaming and never stop chasing my dreams!

I personally believe that God is often the one who gives us these dreams, and when we pursue them with passion, He meets us there and makes our dreams come to life!

I'm Your Mother...Ally McBeal's Tears of Relief and Joy

In a fifth season episode called "Homecoming", Ally decides to have a DNA test done to confirm that she is indeed Maddie's birthm0ther, because she is having nightmares that some other couple would surface one day claiming to be Maddie's actual b1rthparents, and that she would lose her forever.

After agonizing over whether she should even be having the test done, the results arrive and we see her collapse on the floor in a puddle of tears upon reading the results. When Maddie finds Ally in tears, she asks why she is crying. Ally responds, "Because I'm your mother", and the two give each other big hugs.

I found myself crying giant tears watching the episode for a couple of reasons:

1.) I remember the day a judge in Ethiopia ruled in favor of our adoption of Jeremy and Zachary, and hearing her say the words, "They are yours." After 18 months of working through the adoption process, seeing photos of our boys and traveling across the world to legally adopt them, hearing those words brought tears of relief and joy to my eyes. They were ours and it was final! I remember thanking the judge through my tears, and she said, "It is my honor." One of the most amazing moments of my life!

2.) I would love to have a daughter. There was something so special about Ally's bond with Maddie, and I would love to be the mother of a girl one day. Maybe it's because I grew up in a family with just one sister and a wonderful mother. I can't really explain it. But I'd love to share a mother/daughter bond with a little girl one day, God willing.

There was a moment when Ally received the envelope in the mail, and I wasn't sure if she would open it or not. She was struggling with her motives. For her, it wasn't that the biological relationship was so important as it was that no one could ever take her daughter away from her. The DNA test results gave her that peace. For me (obviously) having a genetic relationship with my kids isn't what makes us mother and sons. That isn't why this episode spoke to me. It spoke to me because I know the relief and joy of hearing and knowing that Jeremy and Zachary were mine, and knowing finally that I was their mother.

Blue Christmas...my favorite Ally McBeal episode

Of all 111 episodes of Ally McBeal that I watched, I had three favorites, and one of them was my very favorite. It was called BLUE CHRISTMAS, and I think it will be an annual Christmastime viewing for me. I just loved it that much!

One night, Ally and Elaine are walking through downtown Boston, when they pass by a church with a Nativity scene. Suddenly, they stop in their tracks when they hear the cries of a real, live baby coming from the manger. They approach the baby, and Elaine picks him up and continues to care for him, while they notify authorities. For Elaine, it is love at first sight, and she bonds with the baby quickly. After confiding in Ally about her feelings for the baby and her desire to adopt him, Ally agrees to represent her in a court hearing to gain custody of the baby.

I won't give away the rest of the story because it is beautiful and so worth watching.

Of all of the Ally episodes I watched, this one seemed to have the most heart and the most humanness. And I think that Jane Krakowski was really able to shine as Elaine in this episode because her character was given a storyline that allowed her to show her multi-dimensionality.

I'm sure that it spoke to me (at least in part) because I remember holding my children for the first time and knowing that I loved them with a mother's love as soon as they were placed in my arms.

It also reminded me of this dear child who I held and loved and said goodbye to all in one day, but who I will never forget. We bonded in minutes, and he changed my heart forever.

I can definitely understand how instant bonds are formed, and this episode explores that phenomenon with grace and sensitivity.

Ally McBeal: A Kindred Spirit from TV Land

I remember living at the Parkside Evangeline residence in New York City as a young 20-something, glued to the television every week to watch Ally McBeal. Something about her spoke to my young self back then, probably the fact that we were both single, feminist, and hopeful that love would find us.

Now on the other side of marriage (the married side), I've rediscovered the series on HuluPlus, and I'm not sure I should admit it, but in just over a month, I've watched all 111 episodes. And I was just as captivated this time around! The issues that show explored seemed just as relevant today as they were 15 years ago, when the show first aired. I rooted for Ally every step of the way, and I felt the same disappointment that Larry never came back into her life (during the run of the show).

There is so much I adore about this show!
~The amazing cast and guest stars (Tracy Ullman! Robert Downey, Jr.! Kyra Sedgwick!)
~The theme songs
~The musical guests (Al Green! Barry White! Barry Manilow!)
~The way the show explores difficult issues without slamming you over the head with the "correct answer".
~The way the characters manage to communicate their emotions and thoughts to one another, as well as their ability to let bygones be "bygones".
~The quirkiness of it all!

Some of the characters stood out more than others, and some completely endeared themselves to me: Ally, Larry Paul (I'm a little bit in love with RDJ!), Elaine, and John Cage. They gave just beautiful performances.

Three episodes really stood out to me, and I think, each of them will be explored with its own blog post.

It's funny, after journeying with these characters through five years of their lives, I feel a little blue saying goodbye to them. Ally McBeal is far and away my favorite tv show, and I can see myself going back and watching certain episodes again.

While the series finale left me feeling without closure, the series as a whole did not disappoint. I don't know how else to say it, but that I saw myself reflected in the show and its characters: my passions, my dreams, my quirks, my hopes and my life experiences. And somehow it just felt good to know that I am not alone in all of those aspects of living.

And isn't that what the best stories do? They remind us that we aren't alone.