Sunday, September 09, 2007

Like a drum cadence growing louder. And louder. And louder.

I have been engaged in a series of conversations lately about the place of women in my culture. The conversations have been emotional--ones that have touched deep pockets of anger in me. For the first time, I have really understood why some feminists are perceived as being angry...because they really are. It is so incredibly frustrating to feel that because I am a woman, my place and voice in the world could potentially be limited.

I am realizing more and more that I have been fed messages--sometimes overtly, but more often very subtly--that because I am a woman, my leadership isn't necessarily welcomed in certain settings. The upside of these conversations is that I am growing into a greater awareness of the messages that I have heard over the years, and I am beginning to see how they have affected me.

It is as if a voice--an important voice--that lives deep inside me has been silenced over time. I almost forgot it was there. However, these conversations have unearthed something in my soul. I can hear that quiet voice that whithered to no more than a whimper growing stonger. It is still being unearthed, but it is growing louder, oh so slightly louder. And it has something important to say in this world. And I know that someone, somewhere in this world must be needing to hear whatever it is. I wonder if the voice inside me and the ears it will land on are desperately trying to find each other.

The voice deep inside hasn't lost it's fight. It is full of robust, full-bodied LOVE, and I have a feeling that when it can finally sing it's sweet, robust, full-bodied song, it will come out soulfully and a seed that has grown deep roots down into the ground since it couldn't quite break through the surface to breathe the fresh air and soak in the sun's rays for a long time. It may sing lyrics of angsty rock, it may sing the blues, it may have notes so full of hope and joy that it will make men cry. I have a feeling it will be a combination of all of these.

One thing is certain: the voice deep inside will be heard. And I feel privileged to be the woman who embodies that voice.

Note: This post is vague, I know, and it is written that way on purpose. Just to clarify, it has nothing to do with my loving husband (or any of you who are reading this), who wants nothing more than for my voice to have full expression.


J at said...

Having a husband who supports your voice is the biggest blessing a woman can have. I too have felt that frustration and anger, and can only imagine how much worse it would be if my life partner were not by my side, angry on my behalf if needed, supporting me as needed, applauding me all along.

Actually, I long ago dated a guy who thought in ways that I could easily see would attempt to hamper ways that he thought were chivalrous, but I found to be condescending.

This was a powerful post. Thank you for writing it.

Beenzzz said...

One thing that gets me in trouble is my ability to speak my mind whenever I want to. I come across abrasive to men and to women. You know what? I refuse to back down. I dislike being led and I will fight it all the way. Join me sister, lets rule!

Maya's Granny said...

Good for you! I'm glad that your husband is supportive, glad that you are seeing how limited the world would have us be.

Think of all the wonderful things that women could have been adding to the world over the centuries. It isn't only women who suffer when they are gagged.