Monday, June 05, 2006

It's A Bridge, Right?

You know when you should be feeling so grateful for something, but instead there is a sinking feeling in your chest? Yeah. Not a good feeling.

Seven months ago, shortly after moving to LA, I was blessed with a job as a temp at a mortgage company. It was a huge blessing in that it paid the bills and gave me the flexibility to take off work for auditions and acting jobs when they came up. I have often marvelled over the past several months how a right-brained creative type like me ever landed a gig as an analyst in the loan industry. I can only credit the grace of God. (And say a big thanks to my friend in Texas who hooked me up!)

After months of temping, my wonderful boss called me into her office and told me that my temp days were numbered, but that she would like to recommend me for a full-time position. I expressed concern about losing the flexibilty I had as a temp to go on auditions, and she told me that I would still have that flexibility. I would have been crazy to not accept the position. So I did.

Today began with a meeting with my new boss. She's a dynamic lady who I think I'll enjoy working with. As she described what my new responsibilities would entail, it became increasingly clear that I now have a "real job". Good-bye "temp". Hello "compliance specialist" (aka fish-out-of-water).

Being a temp felt a lot better--like I was less attached to a job that will be just that--temporary. I don't want to work in the mortgage industry for a long time. I want it to be temporary! I want to be an actress!

Becoming a "compliance specialist" feels like I'm taking a step away from my acting dreams, not moving toward them. I don't want to feel like my day job is an obstacle to my true aspirations. eSuitor asked me what it would look like if the new job were a bridge to my dream and not a wall separating me from it. That was a very encouraging thought.

I'm not quite sure what that would look like, but I hope I can see it that way soon.


Don Boscoe said...

Take it from a guy who was homeless in hollywood for almost a year, living on the beach, in the back of my blazer, on other people's couches....if a job pays the bills and allows you to's a good thing...then you have a place to live and food to eat....things are only as permanent as you make can quite at any moment...there-fore....consider your self a temprorary employee

Ally Bean said...

You'll be a compliance specialist at work and in your acting career as well-- learning how to make it all go together (comply) in both areas of your life.

How's that for word play?

J said...

I know how you feel...I'm a 'compliance analyst', and in my case the compliance is tax stuff. Blech. Boring. And they want me to get a certificate in it, which to me feels like AAARRRGH, then I'll REALLY BE a compliance analyst, instead of just playing one while I wait to figure my life out.

But don is right, it's better to have a job than not. And eSuiter is right, it's a bridge. :)

Tracy said...

Thanks, y'all! You are VERY encouraging!

Autumn's Mom said...

Think of yourself as a super hero. By day a compliance specialist, by night wonder actress!

Jenn said...

I totally agree with Don. If it pays the bills, it's good. And if you want to quit....then you quit. *shrug* In fact, it should feel freeing to have that kind of attitude. Like eh...this is just a job. If you have an audition take off. *shrug*

Cherry said...

I'm 100% with Don as well. You're job does not define you. Keep up your dreams and aspirations!

J said...

When I came by earlier, the picture of the bridge wasn't showing....what a pretty bridge!

Anonymous said...

Well I think the Don's an idiot. I mean, I agree with him and all, I just think he's an idiot.