Wednesday, January 31, 2007

To peek or not to peek.... This is the question.


eSuitor and I are having all sorts of conversations about our wedding. One of the topics we're discussing is whether or not to see each other before the wedding on our big day. The reason for seeing each other before the wedding would be so that we could take all posed pictures with family and wedding party before the wedding, thus not making our guests wait too long at the reception before we get there. In doing so, however, we wouldn't have that moment of seeing each other for the first time as I'm walking down the aisle. We are entertaining two options:

1.) To peek: Have a moment of our own, just the two of us before the wedding. He can see me in my dress and we can have a moment together. We can take all of our posed pictures before the wedding, and get to the reception in a timely manner.

2.) Not to peek: The first time to see each other that day would be as I'm walking down the aisle. Take posed pictures after the wedding, and make our wedding guests wait on us for a bit at the reception.

I realize that there is not a right or a wrong way to do it, and honestly, as I write about it, I'm kind of embarrassed that this is making it on my blog. I would like your opinion on how you did things at your wedding, and if you have a strong opinion about this. Please don't tell me to do whatever we want to do because, truth be told, we have two different opinions on this. However, we're keeping open minds and want to pool all readers as to what they did and if they are glad they did it the way the chose.

And now, kind readers, please opine.

Note: eSuitor is making a special request that any readers in the Connecticut contingency please comment on this! :)

Photo found here.

17 comments:

Laura said...

Hehe. Lovely. My husband and I considered the same issue, but he is very much a traditionalist and didn't think we should peek. However I have been at weddings where I stood outside for-frickin-EVER after the ceremony, waiting for all the pictures. We finally decided to do the best of both worlds: we didn't see each other before the wedding, and we did as many pictures before the wedding as we could without being together. We talked with our photographer and decided it would only be 20 minutes to finish up after the ceremony. We did the traditional everybody waits outside and cheers as we run out type of thing, so we had people outside handing out the ribbon flags (instead of birdseed) and telling people to hang out for a few minutes. It was the perfect amount of time - we got all the photos we needed without being rushed, and everybody waited happily without being too annoyed (I hope!). I also have to say that after spending the entire day running here and there, you REALLY appreciate a lovely evening together, alone for the first time that day. :)

ML said...

Oh dear, I have no words of wisdom to offer on this particular subject. My wedding was so incredibly small and informal, that the issue of peeking or not peeking didn't come into play.

However, if I had to decide, I would go for option #1 because it would be very special to spend a few minutes alone together. Also, getting the pictures out of the way would be a good thing. That way you can enjoy your reception and your guests.

Windy said...

For me, posing for pictures was a task I wanted to be done with so I could enjoy the rest of the day. However I opted for the traditional 'not to peek'. My opinion is that option one and option two really aren't that different. Here's an idea I think I would do given a second chance... Pick a special time before the wedding after you're completely dressed and ready. Have your bridesmaids 'set you up' at the alter. Fluff the dress, find a good pose, etc. Then esuitors groomsmen blindfold him and lead him down the isle. Usually this is where they would bump him into pews and pretend they can't find you. After removing the blindfold and seeing the expression on his face everyone quietly leaves for a few moments. A quiet moment during all the bustle will be a blessing. Hope this helps.

Jilly said...

I think I like what Laura is saying. I like the traditional idea of him not seeing you in your dress. Y'all could still see each other, pray together, smooch a little at some point during the day. Then when you are all dressed with your dress on, we can take all the pictures that involve you and efuturehubby separately. Then after the ceremony, you can take the rest of the together pics rather quickly. The last five minutes of that could be just you, him, and the photographer taking a few "just the two of you" pictures. I picture the after part being about 20 minutes. Besides, at the reception place there will be cocktails and appetizers in the pre-reception holding area to tide people over before the reception doors open. It's a wedding. We've all been to them and we all know we will have to wait a little while for the bride and groom. I think the key is that the wait isn't long.

Love you! Can't wait!

Buttercup said...

I'm not sure. I think that either way, the moment eSuitor sees you walking down the aisle it's going to be a powerful, amazing moment - even if he has seen you in the dress earlier on in the day. I can't remember what Wood did but I'll ask her.

Ginger said...

Well, I didn't hold much on that tradition because my mother rode in the car with my dad on their way to elope (they will be celebrating 40 years in Feb). The morning of our wedding my hubby and I went to Wal-Mart to buy a T.V. (there was a good reason). He also saw my dress when I tried it on for the first time. But mostly, I am happy we got all those pictures over with first. The wedding planning was very stressful for me and I was very glad to relax afterwards at the reception. If he hasn't seen the dress then he will still be overwhelmed when you appear in it for the pictures - get your photographer to capture that momemt.

Autumn's Mom said...

Shot gun wedding with no dress over here. so. I love that you two seem to have had this traditional beautiful courtship and I think the perfect storybook ending with him seeing you for the first time walking down the isle in your dress...is the perfect ending to that chapter. That being said, if that is what you should choose I would put someone in charge (if you don't have a planner) of making sure that appetizers and what not is flowing for your happy, hungry guests.

a-dub said...

We did pictures first (most of them, anyway) so we didn't hold up the reception. Of course, since we had an 11:30 AM wedding outdoors, and the pictures would be outdoors (so we had to get them all DONE before guests started arriving) this meant getting up at an absolutely insane hour.

But it was better than cranky guests getting hungry for lunch. Since there was no booze to take the edge off. ;-)

Anyway, we've been pretty lucky so far, so I don't think our luck has been impaired by breaking the tradition! :-) And we did get to have a nice little moment alone.

Everlasting Timo said...

Pictures after the ceremony are a BEATING. Having been in about 25 weddings now, I know that NO ONE wants to be there for pictures afterward. Everyone wants to be eating, hanging out, socializing, blah blah. I also think that your opinion- the Bride's- matters most. Tell eSuitor to suck it up if he doesn't like it- even though I've met him and he's a good dude. Go with your gut and what you have always wanted to do. Peek this, peek that- blah, blah. I do think I will go out and buy some arbitrary item on my wedding day with my wife though- I like that... maybe some new football cleats, but then- that's giving away my honeymoon idea.

A said...

Wow - I can't believe that you are asking that question.I thought all
actresses liked to make an entrance - just kidding. Definitely wait to see each other. There is something magic about your groom seeing you for the "first" time as you walk down the aisle. One of my favorite photos from J & K's wedding - shows just J's face as K's Dad lifted the blusher veil from her face. It was truly a beautiful moment. As for not inconveniencing your guests - DON'T WORRY ABOUT THEM - they'll be fine! This is "your" moment (meaning both of you).

beenzzz said...

D. and I didn't see each other until the actual ceremony started. It was so exciting for me. He had left a present (a little diamond bracelet)and a lovely letter for me though. It meant so much to me. I liked the thrill of not seeing him until the wedding started. I wouldn't do it any other way. I hope you and e-suitor come to a decision soon. I'm sure either way, it'll on of the best days of your life!

J said...

I'm with those that say, do as many pictures as you can ahead of time, without seeing each other. Then, you won't have a ton to do after. Also, if everyone is supposed to wait at the church before driving over to the reception, either: tell them to go on ahead, and have appitizers there for them to snack on, OR, somehow, have some snicky snacks at the church for them to snack on. It's Texas in June, right? So getting people out of the hot sun is probably a good idea. So send 'em on over to the reception, take your pics, and then go join them. That's my two cents...

Though another side of me loves the idea of a stolen moment, just you two, and perhaps you'll both be less likely to cry so hard you get snot on your face while saying your vows if you've seen each other first....just sayin'....

J Bro said...

I am a traditionalist (K too) and we decided that the first time I
would see her or the dress was in the church. It is a powerful moment seeing your future wife for the first time in her dress while you are at the altar, that image will be with me always. I think the pictures after the ceremony will capture the pure joy and happiness you both have for each other and your commitment, and the before pictures might capture some of the nervous energy.

How is the rest of the planning going?

kkl said...

Don't peek. The suspense and anticipation are exciting. My brother and his wife had a moment to themselves before the wedding and then took the photos but I don't think it's as exciting as appearing in the moment you've waited for since you were a little girl. I think you will feel more like a princess if you don't peek. Just my opinion. :)

Corinne said...

A little late commenting, but here's a thought. If you choose not to peek, there's a way to make the pictures go faster.

Have a list of who you want pictures with... And go from large group to small... So like, a whole familiy, whittled away to just the parents, that way you can send family off to the reception... We did that and it worked wonderfully.

BTW, not sure if I've said this yet, but CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!! :-D!!!

Sharon said...

We peeked but it took my breath away when we did and it was special because a bazillion people weren't looking on. We took some pictures before that were intimate. I kind of like the idea of seeing each other before you are in front of the crowd because it was so special for us. I remember exactly how he looked the first time we saw each other before the wedding in our wedding clothes. Even still, he says he will never forgot how I looked walking down the aisle on my father's arm.

Laura said...

Wow, lots of opinions on this!

I also wanted to mention something else we did. We took some photos at the reception. Some of the larger group ones. This helped reduce the post-ceremony photo/waiting time. :) Also, the reception was very much open as soon as the ceremony was over, so if anybody didn't feel like waiting, they very well may have moseyed on over to the reception. ;)