The Power of a Name - Crazy Sexy Diet, Day 6

One of the side effects the author of Crazy Sexy Diet wrote that I might experience while doing the 21 Day Cleanse is feeling emotional. That has certainly been the case today. I fought back tears a couple of times before lunchtime.

This morning, I was teary thinking about my late step-dad, John. I really was missing him. He's the person who gave me the nickname Starshine, which is my favorite nickname ever.

I believe very strongly in the power of naming your child well. When we were considering names for the boys, we took into consideration both if we liked the sound of the name, as well as if we liked the meaning of the name. Somehow, it seems that the names we are given have the power to impact us, for better or for worse--not only our literal names, but also the names people call us (good and bad), and nicknames!

This morning, I was just feeling so touched by the meaning of my beloved nickname. John was such an encourager to me when it came to following my acting dreams. I'm sure that he chose the name Starshine for me, because it conjured up images of a big-time actress. He believed in the beauty of my dreams and supported me in my quest to go after them, and that has always meant so much to me. This morning, though, as I was thinking about John, I wondered what he might think about my life being on this side of my Hollywood journey. I left Hollywood never having won a big break, and certainly not having found stardom. (Although I'll be forever grateful for the myriad gifts God gave me while I was there: a husband!, an incredible acting teacher, a technique for acting on-camera, a renewed love for theatre acting, and some wonderful friends to name only a few.)

Without a doubt, John would still be proud of me. Without a doubt, I would still be his Starshine. And this morning, as I stood in this private moment, fighting back the tears, I realized that he didn't name me Starshine because he believed I would one day be a big star. He named me Starshine because he saw the light within my spirit, and he believed that I already was one.

That is the sweetest gift a father could give his daughter. My heart is filled with gratitude, and the floodgates have now let loose. Perhaps this diet isn't just cleansing my body, but also my soul.

I knew that you just might be "the one" when...

We were taking a walk one afternoon or evening and Brian told me that he wanted to spend both Thanksgiving and Christmas together. I so appreciated his openness and forthrightness about it. I knew he was serious about me. It was during those relationship-defining conversations (along with the way he treasured and treated me) that I began to feel more and more secure in the relationship, and believed it was one that would last a lifetime.

Part of Brian's seminary program included a three-week silence and solitude retreat. (He's monk-ish that way!) We were seriously dating, but weren't engaged yet, and I began to grow a little anxious that all that time alone in a cabin would somehow cause him to change his mind about me. Thankfully, he sensed my anxiety, and it was during another late-afternoon walk (actually, it might have been the same one as above) that Brian told me that he thought I was "the one". He just wanted me to know before he left, so I wouldn't be worried. I told him that I thought he was "the one", too.

It was such a sweet and exciting time in life. All those years of waiting for God to bring us a marriage partner, and suddenly we realize that we've met that person, and a new life together is stretching out before us--a life together.

Some things we did on our early dates were...

First Date: Dinner at Chandra and Ice Cream in Pasadena.

Second Date: Brian picked me up at the air port after being in Texas for a visit. He drove me back to Studio City, where I was living at the time, and we had coffee and deep conversation. I remember being surprised at how open I was with him about my life. I was diggin' him!

Third Date: A four course dinner at The Melting Pot fondue restaurant. We were sitting in this romantic little corner booth, and at one point in the evening he turned his whole body toward me (sort of shifting his attention to me completely), and I could tell that he was diggin' me, too!

Fourth Date: We heard one of Brian's seminary professors speak at his church. I met several of Brian's friends that night. Brian later told me that he was soooooo nervous because so many important people in his life were in that room--his friends, fellow seminary students, his mentor, etc. I guess I made a good impression!

Fifth Date: Brian told me that he wanted to spend the whole day together, so he picked me up in the morning, and took me to the Getty Center. We had lunch there at the lovely restaurant. I remember my meal (lamb!) because it was so good, and Brian was giving me flirty eyes across the table. After lunch, we strolled through the beautiful gardens and he reached out and held my hand for the first time. It was fuuuuuuuuuuun! Can you say "butterflies"?! We had dinner that evening at Houston's (grilled artichokes!) and saw a romantic comedy (Failure to Launch). Needless to say, it was a good day!

If this had not happened, we would have never met...

When you have met and married someone you love so deeply, it's hard to imagine that anything could have kept you apart. Yet so much happened to bring us together!

The internet was invented.

We both had personal computers.

Neil Clark Warren created eHarmony.

We both got on eHarmony when we did.

We matched on eHarmony and communicated with each other.

We talked on the phone and that went well.

Finally, a first date, and then a second and a third!

We marvel that we met through a matching program on the internet, and wonder if we would have ever found each other any other way. We did realize that in 1994, we were both at the same conference in Nashville, Tennessee, but never met each other. In fact, Brian was breaking up with a girl that weekend! What if we would have met those 12 years earlier? What if we had never met at all? Would we have ever met some other way? Only God knows.

The important thing, though, is that we did meet, and that we are together, at last.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Three years ago on Valentine's Day, I went on a date with a guy I met on eHarmony. He took me to see Mamma Mia!, the musical. We had a nice time, but at the end of the evening, I was getting the strangest vibe from the guy. He called shortly thereafter to tell me that he was getting back together with his ex-girlfriend.

Three years ago on Valentine's Day, Hubs was feeling pretty down because he was alone.

But three years ago, on the day AFTER Valentine's Day, Hubs and I matched on eHarmony.

Valentine's Day has never been a bummer since!

Our first Valentine's Day together (2007)

xoxo

Update:

This year for Valentine's Day, Hubs took me out for a lovely lunch at La Vie en Rose

and he gave me these beautiful roses!

Flawed and Oh So LOVED!

For those of you who are new to this blog, you might not know that my husband and I met on eHarmony. Yep! We're an eHarmony success story!  :) We received an e-mail from eHarmony a few months back telling us that if wanted to be considered as a couple for their commercial campaign that we should send in a video of ourselves answering certain questions to a local ad agency. We did it, but we haven't heard anything. But don't worry, you don't think I'd let you miss out on this, do you?

When I think back on our love story, it is pretty remarkable that God used a computer program to bring us together. I don't think even five years ago that I ever would have guessed that I'd meet the love of my life on the internet!

One thing I noticed on a lot of the eHarmony commercials is that people talked about how wonderful it was to meet someone who loves and accepts you just as you are. I couldn't agree more. It is so wonderful to be married to a man who loves me with all of my flaws, just the way I am.

First Kiss

Based on a true story...

It was the day before Easter 2006. The boy and the girl had been dating for about a month. They had just spent the whole day together, and the feelings growing between them seemed mutual. He walked her to her door, and --SNAP!-- the girl realized she had locked her keys inside her apartment. She called the landlady, but she wasn't going to be back to the apartment complex for at least an hour.

"That's alright," the boy told the girl. "I'll wait with you 'til she gets here."

"Yea!" the girl thought. "Maybe he'll finally kiss me."

The boy and the girl talked and flirted, and he started to look nervous. He leaned in close and said, "I really like you." Then he kissed the girl. He kissed her good, and she liked it. And she liked him. And she hoped it would be the first of many kisses to come.

And it was.

"K" is for Knight

I first posted this short story on November 8, 2006. I wrote it during a time when I knew my feelings were getting really invested in my relationship with eSuitor (now affectionately called "Hubs" on this blog). I am so glad we made it across the river together. Our courtship was a wonderful adventure, and our marriage has been a sweet, sweet blessing. Thanks for being such a trustworthy and loving knight!

Halfway There...A Fairy Tale

Once upon a time there lived a princess. We’ll call her Tracy because…why not? Princess Tracy lived in the State of Singleness. No one in Singleness was married, because they were, well, single. Many people living in Singleness tried to escape that State as soon as possible. However Princess Tracy wasn’t in a huge hurry to leave Singleness. She enjoyed her life there. It was, after all, the State where she was born. She’d lived there all her life, and sometimes, she secretly pitied her friends who fled the State of Singleness at a young age. Living in Singleness, after all, had its advantages, and by lingering there, it had afforded the princess many opportunities to grow and learn, to travel, and most importantly to know herself well.

During her years living in the State of Singleness, the princess saw many of her friends move away. While she was a little sad to be left behind each time one of them left, she was always happy for them, and wished them well on their journey as they crossed the river. You see, the State of Singleness is bordered by the State of Marriage. They are separated by the rushing and dangerous River Courtship. All anyone from Singleness had to do in order to move away was find another person from Singleness that they really loved, and they then had to cross the raging River Courtship together. Couples from Singleness crossed the River Courtship in any number of ways. Some rented speedboats and jetted across it so quickly that they really missed the beauty of the journey. Sometimes those couples would walk along the banks of the river and wonder why they didn’t tarry there longer. Others jumped on a raft and rode the rapids of the River Courtship for years and years. Usually, that got old and they would get motion sickness, and eventually make their way to the banks of the State of Marriage a little bedraggled from the long journey, but happily refreshed by their newfound citizenship. Occasionally, a couple would fancy themselves good swimmers and they would brave the dangerous waters without anything to keep them afloat. That was such a hit-or-miss method (the currents of the River Courtship are very strong) that most couples avoided it altogether, as the outcome was never certain. Usually, the couple would arrive on the shore of one State or the other choking up water that had gone down the wrong pipe.

The most sure-fire way to make it across the River Courtship was via Dating Bridge. Dating Bridge was the route most of Princess Tracy’s friends had taken in their journey from The State of Singleness to The State of Marriage. It seemed the safest bet for most of the couples leaving Singleness, because it had several checkpoints along the way--checkpoints that included phone dates, coffee dates, dates to meet friends, dates to meet family members, dates together, and even dates apart to check in with oneself along the journey. The interesting thing about Dating Bridge, though, is that it is a bridge without guarantees. Princess Tracy was perplexed by the number of times she and so many others from the State of Singleness had begun journeys across Dating Bridge only to find at one of the checkpoints that a big red flag would begin waving as a sign appeared reading, “Proceed with extreme caution. Recommendation: Return to the State of Singleness ASAP.”

One day, the princess met a handsome knight. We’ll call him Sir Suitor because…why not? He was blonde and tall with blue eyes and broad shoulders. He was, in the words of the princess, “totally yummy”. In addition to his impressive physical attributes, the knight had a warm and noble heart. It was a heart of integrity and character. A heart that Princess Tracy believed she could trust. As the princess got to know the knight, she was so taken by him that she found herself thinking with more and more confidence that she would be willing to leave the State of Singleness and cross the dangerous River Courtship with Sir Suitor. One lovely Saturday, Sir Suitor surprised the princess with a kiss and asked her to be his girlfriend. In a pleased daze, the princess obliged the knight, and with that, they began their journey across Dating Bridge. They passed the initial checkpoints in flying colors. Dinner dates and coffee dates and phone dates every night only confirmed for the couple that their feelings for each other were true. Other dates with friends and family further confirmed what the couple felt deep in their hearts. The couple even took some time to be apart for three weeks, and their conclusion was the same. This was love, and they both knew it.

One crisp autumn day, the couple was strolling across Dating Bridge hand-in-hand, when they stopped to take in the view. The waters of the River Courtship sparkled below, reflecting the sun’s happy rays. Suddenly all was quiet. As Sir Suitor and the princess looked around, they realized that they were halfway across the bridge. They smiled at each other as their stomachs did mini flip-flops. They talked about how far they had come in the short time they had known each other. They marveled at how close they had grown. Neither had made it this far across the bridge without red flags waving, sirens blaring, or loved ones shouting “Beware!”. They only felt peace. They talked and confessed that they both wanted to continue on their journey to the State of Marriage, and they continued across the bridge.

After only a few more steps, the architecture of the bridge changed. The first half of the bridge was wide and paved, and pretty easy to cross. But now the bridge grew narrower. For a while, the two could still walk side-by-side, but soon Dating Bridge was single file with no railings. Sir Suitor walked in front of the princess, making sure each step was safe and offering his hand to steady her. Once or twice the princess looked down and shuddered because the raging waters were so far below. She had fallen from the bridge once before, and she closed her eyes tight, trying not to remember. Sir Suitor whispered to the princess in his loving and steady voice, “Open your eyes, sweet princess. It’s going to be okay.” She opened them, and looked at her knight, and she tried not to be scared. After taking a few more steps, the sidewalk narrowed into a tightrope. It seemed that the rest of the couple’s journey to the State of Marriage would be riskiest part of all. “Can’t we zoom across this last part like a zip line?” the frightened princess asked her knight. Sir Suitor replied with his steady gaze, “The journey cannot be rushed.” The princess insisted that there must be some way. The sound of the threatening waters below taunted her. Sir Suitor heard the sound of the river, too. The knight and the princess looked each other square in the eye. Both knew that the tightrope was a kind of a test. Only the knight knew that time spent on the tightrope, steadily moving closer and closer to the shore was the safest way to arrive on the banks of the State of Marriage. Princess Tracy was skeptical, but she loved Sir Suitor. And she trusted him. Both trusted in the King, who ruled over both States with great care. They knew that it was really His loving hand that had sustained them on their journey all along, and that only His hand would bring them safely to their new home.

Glancing Back Down that Bloggy Road

This Saturday, my blog will turn two years old. My first post was about my decision to look for love online with eHarmony. Not long after that, I met my fabulous eSuitor and chronicled our love story right here on The Starshine Report--from our early dates to saying "I love you" to meeting the parents to engagement to marriage! It's fun to look back and see what God has done!

Happy Valentine's Day, Hubs! Will you be mine?

We Got Married!

It's official! We tied the knot! On June 30, 2007, eSuitor and I became husband and wife. It was a beautiful ceremony that I will forever remember, and I'm just so thankful! There is so much to share, and I imagine that I'll be blogging about it for days, but for now, let me leave you with a few of my favorite photos (taken by Lincee), along with my favorite bridal portrait.

For those of you who don't understand why in the world I'm wearing a winter wedding dress in the middle of the summer, there is a very special story about it that I wrote about here. (I added a special photo on that post, as well.) For those of you who have been asking me to show a photo of the dress, this is my favorite bridal portrait:

Just before the music swelled, my Dad told me to relish my walk down the aisle. "This is a very special wedding," he said. I agree...it was mine! I did enjoy my walk down the aisle, even though I was crying the whole way!


The wedding ceremony:

With my mom and sister (who was also my matron of honor--or "best girl", as she preferred to be called):


Our first dance. He sang to me as we danced (and stole a few kisses):

Cutting the ever so chocolate wedding cake:

Leaving the reception together. I took the overdress off halfway through the reception. The underdress was a strapless dress that could be worn alone:

I'm a Bride!

Tonight was my rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. The church is decorated and looks absolutely beautiful! The rehearsal went smoothly, and I have to say that when the organ music swelled and started playing the Wedding Processional from The Sound of Music, it was really moving to walk down the aisle, escorted by my father. When I caught a glimpse of my mom, she was wiping away tears. I wonder if any of us will have dry eyes tomorrow. It is going to be one special day!

The rehearsal dinner was beautiful, and it was so touching to hear our friends share stories and memories. So much love and friendship all in one room! It was especially wonderful to hear eSuitor's friends talk about how much they appreciate his character and integrity. Those are two of the qualities I love most about him, and hearing other people talk about it really enforced what a gift from God he is to me.

Tomorrow is my wedding day. Thank You so much, Heavenly Father, for answering my prayers! Marrying eSuitor is a dream-come-true!

I'll be sure to share photos when we return from our honeymoon! Until then, may God bless each and every one of you!

Love,
Starshine

It's Getting More and More Official

eSuitor arrived in Texas today. It was so good to see his handsome face! As soon as he walked through the door, the phone rang (I kid you not) six times in about 25 minutes. Finally, we decided to make a run for it to escape the craziness of Grand Central, and we went out for dinner at The Cheesecake Factory. It was wonderful to catch up with each other. After dinner, we took a stroll along the river. It was so funny because, the only people strolling were other couples. It was like a memo went out to all young lovers that the breezes were balmy and the moon was shining bright!

Tomorrow, we go to the county courthouse to obtain our marriage license. After that, we meet with the wedding coordinator, followed by lunch with our minister and his wife to discuss last-minute wedding details.

Yep, this is looking more official by the second. I do believe eSuitor is going to need a new name very soon. No longer will he be my suitor, and let's be honest here, the "e" should have been kicked to the curb long ago. In just three days, I'm going to have a real husband!

Everything's Coming Up Roses!

Hand-painted Romanian pottery pitcher that eSuitor bought when he lived overseas = the perfect vase, right?

Let's see...my hands are dry as sandpaper, boxes are strewn about everywhere, and my left thumbnail is covered in white paint. Yep...it's official...I've moved! On Saturday, we brought what remained of my belongings to what will soon be our place. We scoured my old place from top to bottom, in the hopes that leaving the place clean would ensure that I'd get back as much of my security deposit as possible!

Yesterday, we spray painted some furniture for our guest room white (shabby chic theme), and I have to say, there are definite signs that this condo is no longer a bachelor pad. eSuitor's place has always been nicely decorated, but it has looked very manly. However, from my current vantage point, as I sit here typing this post, I'm looking at two bouquets of flowers and a ficus tree. Yep...I'm definitely cutesing the place up a bit!

I'll be flying to Texas at the end of the week to spend some time there before the wedding, and in the meantime, one of eSuitor's friends is being kind enough to let him crash over there. (We didn't want to live together until we're married.) So you can bet that I'll be nesting to my heart's content this week, and making sure that my feminine touches find their place here in our place. Oooo! I love that. It has a nice ring to it, huh?

Our shabby chic guest room.

Daisy covered lamp shade with eSuitor's baby picture.

I decided that this cake stand that J and Cherry gave me was way too cute too sit in a cabinet until the next time I bake. So I decided to decorate with it! It is currently gracing the top of a dresser and displaying this ginormous candle given to my by my Auntie M.

Terrified and then Comforted

Early this morning, around 1:35 am, I was awakened by the sound of screeching tires and an impact. About two seconds later, there was a loud popping sound accompanied by a terrifying blast of blinding white light that filled my room. I sensed that it was coming from a place not very far outside my window. A few seconds after that, I was scared again by a second pop and blinding blast of light. I jumped to my feet--frightened--trying to figure out what had just happened. I didn't know what to do. I was scared to be near a window in case another blast occurred, thinking that glass would shatter from the force of it. Not long after that, there was a third blast of light, but not as strong as the first two (and no broken glass). I was terrified. My mind was racing to make sense of it--to find some category for what was happening. I was afraid to turn the light on in my room because I didn't know if what I was hearing were gunshots or bomb blasts and I didn't want to call attention to my window from outside. Instinctively, I picked up my cell phone to call eSuitor. His was a very comforting voice to hear, and he stayed on the line with me while I shuffled around in the darkness of my room, trying to figure out what in the world was going on. My voice was quivering with fear. He asked me if I saw anything outside my window. At first I didn't, but soon, I heard voices outside and saw my neighbors congregating on the sidewalk. Not long after that, emergency crews came, and I heard one of them yell out, "Stay back, there is a live wire down!" My neighbors scurried back, so as to avoid being in danger. I went outside to join them after a couple of minutes, and they told me that a driver hit an electrical pole (and then got out of the car and fled) and it blew a transformer on not one, but two posts. Thus, the multiple popping sounds and blasts of light. Even though my head was coming to grips with what had happened, my emotions were still reeling, and I didn't know if I would be safe staying in my apartment. eSuitor told me to come down to his apartment where I felt much safer. Always the gentleman, he offered me his bed while he slept on the sofa. I laid in bed, my mind still spinning for at least another hour before my body finally gave way to sleep. Much needed sleep.



Thank You, God, for protecting me and keeping me safe.



"He is a shield for all who take refuge in him." ~Psalm 18:30

Black and White Party

On Saturday, some of our friends threw us an "Engagement Party with a Surprise 40th Birthday Twist". It was a lot of fun, and a great way for our friends in LA/OC to celebrate with us, since Texas is a wee bit far for so many of them to travel on for our wedding. eSuitor didn't know it, but everyone was asked to wear combinations of black and/or white to the party (black for his 40th b-day and white for our wedding). I have to say, it resulted in quite a chic looking crowd! Here are some fun pics of the day. Even the decorations were black and white!

The black and white theme resulted in some fun retail therapy for many of us!

My friends T and C. She totally wins the award for cutest outfit...love her polka dot top! We have known each other since college days. They are now married and lead a book discussion group that I am part of here in LA.

eSuitor with his cousins, who have become very dear to us.

My former boss and good friend, Blancacica.

My former roommate, Mary, drove in all the way from Vacaville! So sweet of her! Love you, Mary!

Here's the birthday boy, looking quite pleased with his chocolate cake! He loves chocolate cake so much, we decided to make our wedding cake chocolate...why not? I much prefer chocolate cake to white cake.

If you haven't seen the "through the years" photo parade of eSuitor's first 40 years, check out yesterday's post!

Look Who's 40!

Happy birthday, eSuitor! I hope you enjoy this walk down memory lane!
(Many thanks to your Mom for these awesome photos.)

Just 17 days old.

Campaigning for Richard Nixon and Spiro Agnew

Fourth Birthday

Four years old~Preschool Picture

Family trip out West~rafting on the Snake River in Wyoming.

Junior High~7th or 8th grade

Boy Scouts ~ Always my "daddy long-legs"!

Oh, yeah! Check out those tinted lenses and that blue velour sweater!

Tenth grade ~ I totally would have had a crush on you in high school!

Junior or Senior Prom

Twenty-first birthday!

College graduation

Ski trip with your mom about ten years ago.

His Royal Hotness~Surfing in Mexico

Graduation from seminary ~ May 2007

How amazing to see in pictures the metamorphasis from baby to boy to man! I am so proud of the man you have become. So blessed that you are mine!

Change

My walls are looking bare.
No more winter clothes in my closet.
Books are in boxes.
Only the daily essentials are staying here with me until the wedding!
All the rest are slowing being moved to our place.

I'm really getting married, aren't I? (!!!)

My Graduate

The past week has been a wonderful one of celebration. On Thursday night, we went to eSuitor's baccalaureate dinner and hooding ceremony. All of the graduates of his seminary were hooded by a professor that they developed a special relationship with during their years of study.




Here is a photo of eSuitor being hooded by his dear professor, Dr. C, who has had a profound influence on him during his time in seminary. I love the look of joyful pride on Dr. C's face. He seems very pleased to be hooding my honey!


This is another photo of the two of them together. (Don't you just love the academic regalia?!) I've been talking to eSuitor about writing a post as a guest blogger one day. He has had a fascinating seminary experience that he describes as "paradigm shifting". I think it might fun to hear more about that from him, if he is willing. :)


Here are a couple of pics of me with my man. This one was on the night of the hooding. And this one on graduation night, right after he graduated!