Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Before I met you, my love life was...

a bit of a crap shoot. I honestly didn't really know for what or whom I was looking.

As much as I love my parents, I can't say that theirs was a marriage that I hoped my own would one day resemble. It was marked by disappointments, unfulfilled hopes and at the end...divorce. I love them both dearly, and I mean absolutely no disrespect. I'm only saying that when it came to knowing what a vibrant and healthy marriage looked like, I was at a bit of a loss in my dating life. I just did my best to figure it out as I went along--sort of a trial and error kind of thing. Breakups started to feel a little embarrassing. Sort of like, Am I missing something? Why do all of my relationships end in a breakup? Thankfully one of my friends reminded me that the only one that wouldn't end in a breakup would be the one I marry. That sounded sensible.

As I journeyed through my single/dating years, I learned some valuable things:

~There are some good men and not-so-good in this world, and at first glance, it can be hard to tell the difference.
~If someone cannot name their shortcomings specifically and they don't respect your "no", they are absolutely not worth a single second of your time.
~Falling in love is the most wonderful feeling, and the pain of a broken heart is the worst. But it is survivable and life goes on.

Eight years after my parents divorce, my mom met and married the single gentleman who lived right next door to her. Theirs was an amazing love story. It was so fun to see my mom having this wonderful romance and marriage during my adult years. It gave me an opportunity to see a thriving marriage up close and personal. It also (along with some of the life lessons I'd learned along the way) gave me a compass and a roadmap, if you will, for dating. Finally, I had a little clue of what I was looking for. I also wrote a list (at the behest of a good friend) of qualities I was looking for, so that I'd be able to recognize the man of my dreams when I met him!

Finally, I did meet you...and you are so much more than "the man of my dreams". You're my Brian, and my life with you is so rich, the "before I met you" part fades in comparison.


Kim said...

Sniff, sniff...That is so wonderful!

J at www.jellyjules.com said...

I think dating is so important...to learn what you want, and more importantly, what you do NOT want, in a man.

My mom didn't marry my father, or my brother's father. My father was divorced from my sisters' mom, lived with another woman for several years and 'divorced' her, and finally found happiness with my step mom.

From that, I would have expected that at least one of my siblings would be divorced by now. Never say never, but so far, four kids, four happy marriages. I sometimes think we learn as much of what not to do from our parents as we learn what to do. If that makes sense. :)

C said...

Awwwww!!! This is such a wonderful post! *sniff*

How blessed you are to have found each other.

I agree with Julie about the dating bit. I've had a few relationships before I met hubby, and each person taught me something. Each person taught me a lesson, what I deserve, what I want, what I don't want...and in the end, I met someone who was all the qualities I wanted and deserved in a partner. I've had some great relationships, but there was always something not right. Timing. Work. Place we were at in life. I've also had some pretty awful relationships before hubby! Regardless, I walked out learning something...so that's a positive :)

Saucy said...

So you see... it took a while... but you saw what your mother found and you knew then it could happen for you too. And it did. Hugs to both of you.