Ally and Larry: Sigh.

I really only have one beef about the Ally McBeal series: that they never resolved Ally and Larry's storyline. It left me feeling very disappointed at the end of the series finale. I kept waiting for Larry to walk through the door, but he never did.

I'm choosing to believe that they reconnected after she moved to New York, and they found their way back to each other again. Their love story seemed perfect, even with all of its imperfections and challenges. They were meant to be.

Sigh.

Elaine Vassal sings "What I Did for Love" on Ally McBeal

Little secret: If you want to win me over, just write an audition storyline into any television episode, and I will sit there and cry like a baby.

It's no secret that Ally's assistant Elaine LOVES the spotlight, and she relishes the opportunity to perform. In one of the final episodes of the series called "Reality Bites", Elaine travels to New York City to audition for A Chorus Line. She chooses "Tits and Ass" as her audition song, which is a no-brainer song choice for her, but she doesn't really go all out. Consequently, she doesn't get a callback. Devastated, she returns to Boston and confides in Nelle, who works pulls some strings for her and gets her a callback.

Determined to show the producers what she's made of, Elaine returns to New York and sings the much more complex (and more appropriate for her) song "What I Did for Love" and dances her heart out. Though she doesn't land the job, she SHINES, and she's absolutely alive!

Every actor on earth can relate to A Chorus Line in one way or another, because it is a show about actors auditioning for a show, and how desperately they wish, "I hope I get it!"

One of the things that the tv series Ally McBeal does so masterfully is to juxtapose the characters' outward behavior with what's really going on in their inner worlds. It's fascinating! Ally is a dreamer, and I am a dreamer, too. One of the reasons the show so resonated with me (and specifically this episode) is because it reminds the dreamer in me to never stop dreaming and never stop chasing my dreams!

I personally believe that God is often the one who gives us these dreams, and when we pursue them with passion, He meets us there and makes our dreams come to life!

I'm Your Mother...Ally McBeal's Tears of Relief and Joy

In a fifth season episode called "Homecoming", Ally decides to have a DNA test done to confirm that she is indeed Maddie's birthm0ther, because she is having nightmares that some other couple would surface one day claiming to be Maddie's actual b1rthparents, and that she would lose her forever.

After agonizing over whether she should even be having the test done, the results arrive and we see her collapse on the floor in a puddle of tears upon reading the results. When Maddie finds Ally in tears, she asks why she is crying. Ally responds, "Because I'm your mother", and the two give each other big hugs.

I found myself crying giant tears watching the episode for a couple of reasons:

1.) I remember the day a judge in Ethiopia ruled in favor of our adoption of Jeremy and Zachary, and hearing her say the words, "They are yours." After 18 months of working through the adoption process, seeing photos of our boys and traveling across the world to legally adopt them, hearing those words brought tears of relief and joy to my eyes. They were ours and it was final! I remember thanking the judge through my tears, and she said, "It is my honor." One of the most amazing moments of my life!

2.) I would love to have a daughter. There was something so special about Ally's bond with Maddie, and I would love to be the mother of a girl one day. Maybe it's because I grew up in a family with just one sister and a wonderful mother. I can't really explain it. But I'd love to share a mother/daughter bond with a little girl one day, God willing.

There was a moment when Ally received the envelope in the mail, and I wasn't sure if she would open it or not. She was struggling with her motives. For her, it wasn't that the biological relationship was so important as it was that no one could ever take her daughter away from her. The DNA test results gave her that peace. For me (obviously) having a genetic relationship with my kids isn't what makes us mother and sons. That isn't why this episode spoke to me. It spoke to me because I know the relief and joy of hearing and knowing that Jeremy and Zachary were mine, and knowing finally that I was their mother.

Blue Christmas...my favorite Ally McBeal episode

Of all 111 episodes of Ally McBeal that I watched, I had three favorites, and one of them was my very favorite. It was called BLUE CHRISTMAS, and I think it will be an annual Christmastime viewing for me. I just loved it that much!

One night, Ally and Elaine are walking through downtown Boston, when they pass by a church with a Nativity scene. Suddenly, they stop in their tracks when they hear the cries of a real, live baby coming from the manger. They approach the baby, and Elaine picks him up and continues to care for him, while they notify authorities. For Elaine, it is love at first sight, and she bonds with the baby quickly. After confiding in Ally about her feelings for the baby and her desire to adopt him, Ally agrees to represent her in a court hearing to gain custody of the baby.

I won't give away the rest of the story because it is beautiful and so worth watching.

Of all of the Ally episodes I watched, this one seemed to have the most heart and the most humanness. And I think that Jane Krakowski was really able to shine as Elaine in this episode because her character was given a storyline that allowed her to show her multi-dimensionality.

I'm sure that it spoke to me (at least in part) because I remember holding my children for the first time and knowing that I loved them with a mother's love as soon as they were placed in my arms.

It also reminded me of this dear child who I held and loved and said goodbye to all in one day, but who I will never forget. We bonded in minutes, and he changed my heart forever.

I can definitely understand how instant bonds are formed, and this episode explores that phenomenon with grace and sensitivity.

Ally McBeal: A Kindred Spirit from TV Land

I remember living at the Parkside Evangeline residence in New York City as a young 20-something, glued to the television every week to watch Ally McBeal. Something about her spoke to my young self back then, probably the fact that we were both single, feminist, and hopeful that love would find us.

Now on the other side of marriage (the married side), I've rediscovered the series on HuluPlus, and I'm not sure I should admit it, but in just over a month, I've watched all 111 episodes. And I was just as captivated this time around! The issues that show explored seemed just as relevant today as they were 15 years ago, when the show first aired. I rooted for Ally every step of the way, and I felt the same disappointment that Larry never came back into her life (during the run of the show).

There is so much I adore about this show!
~The amazing cast and guest stars (Tracy Ullman! Robert Downey, Jr.! Kyra Sedgwick!)
~The theme songs
~The musical guests (Al Green! Barry White! Barry Manilow!)
~The way the show explores difficult issues without slamming you over the head with the "correct answer".
~The way the characters manage to communicate their emotions and thoughts to one another, as well as their ability to let bygones be "bygones".
~The quirkiness of it all!

Some of the characters stood out more than others, and some completely endeared themselves to me: Ally, Larry Paul (I'm a little bit in love with RDJ!), Elaine, and John Cage. They gave just beautiful performances.

Three episodes really stood out to me, and I think, each of them will be explored with its own blog post.

It's funny, after journeying with these characters through five years of their lives, I feel a little blue saying goodbye to them. Ally McBeal is far and away my favorite tv show, and I can see myself going back and watching certain episodes again.

While the series finale left me feeling without closure, the series as a whole did not disappoint. I don't know how else to say it, but that I saw myself reflected in the show and its characters: my passions, my dreams, my quirks, my hopes and my life experiences. And somehow it just felt good to know that I am not alone in all of those aspects of living.

And isn't that what the best stories do? They remind us that we aren't alone.

Moved by Music

Do you remember when Grey's Anatomy did their musical episode about a year ago? I loved it. And the high point of the show was the featured vocals of Sara Ramirez who plays Callie Torres. She has performed on Broadway in Spamalot, and WOW did she ROCK it on this episode of Grey's. 


In this episode, Callie is on the brink of death after being in a terrible car accident. She was pregnant at the time, and her baby had to be delivered via emergency c-section, and the baby is also in critical condition. In this song, Callie's spirit is willing her body to live. I've seen this episode three times now, and I cry like a baby every time she sings this song. It's just so good.



It's not often that I am so moved by music, so I've been pondering why this song so speaks to me. I especially love these lyrics:

All of these lines across my face,
Tell you the story of who I am.
So many stories of where I've been,
And how I got to where I am.
But these stories don't mean anything,
If you've got no one to tell them to.
It's true. I was made for you.


The lyrics made me think about my husband so much, and what a blessing it is to have someone who walks through life with me, and who (God willing) will be with me for the great majority of my journey on earth. We spend a lot of time telling our life stories to one another, and of course we are also writing part of our story together. As I talked about it with Brian, he told me about a fabulous quote spoken by Susan Sarandon in the movie Dance with Me:

We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go unwitnessed because I will be your witness.

I'm so thankful to have a wonderful husband bearing witness to my life, as well as my family members, and some dear friends. We all need witnesses, because all of us matter.

I'm Still Here

When I first started this blog, I bought the domain name "www.starshinereport.com". I was just notified that my initial purchase of the domain name back in 2006 has expired, and that I can renew it for $35/year. It's just not worth it to me, especially because I really don't need a domain name! You can always find me right here at:

http://starshinereport.blogspot.com

So here I am, and here I will be. If you've had me bookmarked before at the old domain address, you might want to create a new bookmark at the above link.

Thanks for being a faithful reader, especially considering that I rarely post here anymore!

How The West was Won

How The West Was Won was my first professional job after finishing acting school. I auditioned for it in New York, and when they called to offer me the job, they said that I would be flown out to Utah and put up in a motel for nine weeks while we rehearsed and performed the show.

It was a fabulous experience! If you ever have the opportunity to spend time in the "four corners" region of Utah, I can't recommend it enough! This is the largest venue I've ever played--an outdoor amphitheater with a natural red rock canyon wall as the backdrop. It was a stunningly beautiful theatre and such a fun show! I got to sing, dance and act my heart out. My entire family came to watch me perform, and I just loved it! 

The above photo of me as a saloon girl with a cowboy was featured on the front page of a local newspaper. :)

I'm so thankful God gave me the opportunity to work this show. What an amazing memory!

Return: to The White Stone

When I lived in New York City, I had the wonderful experience of attending Redeemer Presbyterian Church. Pastor Tim Keller spoke each Sunday in a way that engaged both my spirit and my mind. He is a true intellectual, and he never spoke to the lowest common denominator. Week after week, I left the church services feeling like both my soul and my intellect had been enriched by what I had learned from this teacher. Many consider him a modern-day C.S. Lewis, and indeed Lewis is one of his great influences.

Recently, Dr. Keller has been writing some very thoughtful and thought-provoking books. One of them is called The Reason for God. Brian is currently leading a weekly group that is meeting to discuss some of the ideas put forth in The Reason for God, and he's also blogging about it at The White Stone. If you're interested in reading some of his posts, he would love it!

To see Tim Keller talking about The Reason for God in an Authors@Google forum, you can watch this video:

Return: to College Theatre

I decided it might be fun to share some photos from different shows I've done through the years. This photo is from the first major production I was cast in at Baylor. I played air-headed maid "Peg" in William Congreve's The Way of the World.

It was an itty-bitty part in a great big play, but I had a ball and found a lot of joy in making this small part a larger than life, living, breathing character. The actress in the photo with me who played "Betty" is Allison Lamb. She is a very talented performer who does a lot of acting work in Charlotte, NC.

More acting photos to come!

Return: To Childhood!

Yesterday, my sister and I got together with our kids and took them on a carousel ride! I can't really remember the last time I went on a merry-go-round, but it was so much fun to relive the excitement and fun and wonder through the eyes of the kids!

Return: To Now (If that's even possible)

Yesterday, I had an audition for a holiday musical here in Houston. There were 40 actors there vying for 9 parts. Yikers!

As we all milled around waiting to sing and read for the director, I realized that with the exception of one other woman, I was the oldest female there! And even though that realization was a little unexpected, I was happy because I very content being one of the oldest of the bunch. It just felt good because I wasn't competing with the myriad of 20 somethings there for the "young" ingenue-type parts.

And it was nice, because I was very comfortable being right where I was, right when I was, at just the age I was.

In a culture that endlessly praises youth, it felt good to be happy in my 37 year old skin!  I got to read for a villainess character, which was super fun and wicked!

I don't know if I'll get cast, but as far as this post goes, that's not really the point.

I just wanted to say that it was rather sublime to feel fabulous "in the moment" of a situation that took me by surprise. The surprise being that there was absolutely no sense of longing to "go back" to an earlier, younger time. The wonder of the realization that "right now" is awesome!

Return: To Ethiopia

The title of this post might sound a bit misleading and more exciting than it actually is. No, we are not planning a return trip to Ethiopia anytime soon. Nor are we planning another adoption from Ethiopia.

This summer, on one of our many indoor walks at a local mall, my sons and I befriended a woman named Hadassah. She works at one of the kiosks in the mall selling products made from Dead Sea minerals. Walking by one day, she asked me if I was interested in her products. Normally, I would avoid eye contact, say "no thank you" and walk on, but I couldn't look away, because this woman looked so very Ethiopian to me. Having adopted my two sons from Ethiopia, I nearly always ask "Are you Ethiopian?" if I'm reasonably sure my hunch is right.

So that day, rather than cruise on by, I asked her if she was Ethiopian. "Well, I'm from there, too," was her response, "but I'm also from Israel."

I had heard about the mass exodus of Jews from Ethiopia in 1980, and Hadassah and her family left in a second wave of Ethiopian Jews in 1995.  So my interest was piqued when I heard about THIS DOCUMENTARY, called The Name My Mother Gave Me. If you click on the link I just provided, you can watch the hour-long documentary online about a group of college age Ethiopian-Israelis who made a pilgrimage back to the land where they were born. The name of the film has to do with the storyline of one of the characters who had dropped his given Ethiopian name and taken on an Israeli name once he relocated and was enculturated in Israel.

It was very moving (watch with Kleenex nearby!) to see these young men come to terms with what their lives would have been like had they stayed in Ethiopia. Some of them dealt with their feelings of connectedness to one culture more than the other. Some saw relatives and friends left behind in villages many years prior. All seemed to be changed for the better by their trip back to Ethiopia.

As an adoptive mom, it was fascinating for me to watch. Although my sons didn't leave their country for the same reasons, I imagine that they will be faced with some of the same feelings one day when we return to Ethiopia for them to connect with the place they were born.

I highly recommend taking an hour to watch this film, if only to have a glimpse into how a fairly recent even in world history has impacted a handful of Ethiopian-born young men.

Return: To Modesty, Please...

Note to the reader: If you don't want to see images of scantily clad women, don't read this post.

Yesterday, as I was mall-walking with my boys in the stroller (yes, we still had temps in the triple digits here this week!), Jeremy said "Yook, Mama!" I looked up to see what was catching his attention, and I saw this huge poster in front of us:

"Oh, no!", I thought. 

"What are you looking at?" I asked, hoping that there might be something else. 

"Elephant!", he answered. Waaaaaay in the distance, was this adorable lady at the Rainforest Cafe:

"Phew!", I thought to myself. "My innocent boy is still my innocent boy." 

It made me wonder, though, how hard it will be for me to raise young men who are respectful of women when society constantly bombards us with sexualized images of women just to sell products. As an experiment, I decided to take pictures during the rest of our mall walk of images that could be seen from outside of the stores we passed. 

Also in Guess' window was this gal sprawled out on a bed with mile-high cleavage:

And this image also was at the Guess store of three classy dames throwing themselves ever-so-sultrily at a lollipop sucking dude who could seemingly care less about them, even though he seems to be the center of their universe:

Next on our walk, we encountered these bigger than life floozies at Victoria's Secret. Their message? Wear these underthings and you'll be "Unforgettable" to your man:

Um, newsflash, Victoria! I don't need your little secret to be unforgettable to my man! Ain't that right, baby? ;)

As if Victoria weren't enough, Frederick came from Hollywood to flaunt this business in the face of every passerby:

All I can say is, "For reals, Freddy?" Nothing about that window display even makes me want to walk into the store.

Things got a little tamer when we came upon the Reebok store. Notice, though, the subtlety of this...

The man is wearing a tank top, but the ladies are working out in jog bras. Hey, Reebok, while I'm a big fan of holding my girls in place while I work out, I generally throw a shirt on top. Thanks!

A random novelty store had this lovely lady in the window:

Because we all know that the reason we wear a scarf is mainly to be a ta-ta cover.

Finally, we came upon a store called "Perfect Bodies" that sell...well, just read the sign.

I love that the web address at the bottom of the poster is for "lipoexpress.com"

All this to say...Yes, I absolutely will do everything I can to raise my sons to be respectful of all people, to have pure minds, and not to look on women as objects. I'd sure appreciate it if advertising and marketing teams across America would get on board!

Return: Something to Look Back On

Today, my baby is 17 months old! During his first year, I did a photo session with him every month. Since his first birthday, I haven't been doing them every month, but he looked so cute in the outfit he was wearing this morning, I couldn't resist! Here are some of my favorites!

Return to the '70s!

I have an audition this Saturday for a holiday musical that will have a 70s theme. For my audition song, I have to pick a pop, rock or disco song from that decade. I do believe that "I Love the Nightlife"!!!

Return to Friendship

This morning, I attended a moms' group at my church, and it was really fun! About 80 mothers of young children were there. After the big group time, we broke into smaller groups of about 10, and they asked us why we decided to join. I said my biggest reason was for friendships. I still feel new to my community, and making friends is so much harder when you're home with little ones most of the time. Several of the other moms said the same thing and agreed that motherhood can be isolating at times.

I'm just really excited about what the upcoming year will hold in terms of getting to know some of these women better. I actually already know a few of the women in my small group, and three of us had lunch together this afternoon, which was really nice!

I'm encouraged!

A Return to September 11, 2001

I was in San Antonio getting ready to attend a funeral, ironically enough. Little did I know that our entire nation was on the verge of experiencing a grief unlike any we'd ever known before. As my Mom and I were getting ourselves ready for the day, we were watching Good Morning America when they reported an airplane crashing into one of the towers of the World Trade Center. An accident, I thought. But when the second plane crashed, I thought it must be an act of terrorism. Soon, more news of an airplane crashing into the Pentagon. And finally, news of an airplane that went down in a field in Pennsylvania.

I was worried we'd spend the entire day wondering which city would be next.

It didn't take long for the news agencies to announce that America was under attack.

I had moved back to Texas from New York City just two years before the attacks on Sept. 11, 2001. I still had a lot of friends living there, and as I flipped through the rolodex in my brain of all my friends who might have worked in the twin towers, I couldn't think of any one. As it turned out, I had two friends who worked there. One of them was working in the New Jersey office that day, and my other friend had a doctor appointment that day, so she didn't go into work. Miracles worth counting on a day when so much was just so terrible.

Late in the day, it dawned on me that my former boss, "J", worked near the WTC, and I got all teary-eyed at the thought of the possibility that he might be gone. I called him for days and never heard anything back. Finally one day my phone rang and it was him...alive and well. Phone lines had been down in New York City, and it took him and his wife several days to get back to their rural home outside the city to get my message and call me back. He worked across the street from the WTC in the World Financial Center. He felt his building shake when the first plane hit. He went outside to see what was going on, and when he saw people jumping from the towers, he had to turn around and just walk away. He walked and walked all the way home (which was no short distance).

One of the strange feelings I had in the days following September 11th was the distinct feeling that I wanted to be back in New York. I wanted to be there to grieve with my former city. It took me two years, though, before I made it back to NYC, and I was there on the two year anniversary of September 11. I went with my friend to Ground Zero and saw people reading bios of those who perished in that very place two years before.

It was all so much to process. I walked to the nearest pay phone and called "J" at work. I got his voice mail. I just wanted to tell him that I was thinking of him because he was the person I was so worried about that day two years ago. As I began talking on his voicemail, I started to cry, and I was so embarrassed because I couldn't pull myself together. Finally, two years after the attacks on the WTC, I was grieving. Several months later, "J" called me and told me that he was out of the country when I called, but he wanted me to know that he so appreciated my message. I was so relieved because I thought maybe my tearful message was too much for him. He assured me that he didn't mind my tears at all. In fact, he said he saved the message and replayed it when he was having a bad day.

I call him every year on September 11th, just to tell him that I'm so glad he's my friend, and I'm so glad he's alive.

Return: To Bliss

The day we got engaged!

One of my favorite engagement pictures taken at Laguna Beach!

Our Wedding Day!

Happy Honeymooners!

By the way, today is 9-10-11. Just thought that was fun!

Return: The Opposite Of...

After returning home from the airport feeling blue, I flopped down on the bed and told Brian that I needed a hug. Goodbyes are so sad! As Brian gave me a big bear hug, I remarked that one of the best things about marriage is that it is a relationship that doesn't involve many goodbyes. Maybe for business trips here and there etc., but for the most part we just get to be together...and be together some more...for the rest of our lives! I'm thankful for that.

Life with my husband/best friend is good.

I love you, Brian!