Sunday, January 07, 2007

Where I'm From

J and Maya's Granny were the first two people who I saw do this exercise. It's an unconventional and descriptive way to write about your roots. I loved it, so I thought I'd try it myself. If you'd like to try it for yourself, the template for this exercise can be found here.




I am from hugs, God bless yous, and I love yous. I am from the tree house in my backyard, from walkie-talkies, and playing “spy”. I am from the hibiscus flower, a descendant of the hibiscus king. I am from one present before bed on Christmas Eve and sister talks on cell phones, from Dede and Grampy, and Berta and Grampa. I am from divorce and let’s stick together. From you are special today, don’t you talk back young lady, where’s my hug?, and ¡guapa, tranquila! I am from Jesus loves you and believing it with all my heart. I'm from Kansas City and Texas, California and the Northeast. From sourdough bread and warm soup when it’s cold, and Tex-Mex all year long. From the triumphant trio, the postman, the Helena Rubenstein cosmetics salesman, the rodeo cowboy, and the stay at home mom. I am from old family photos that I recently discovered, scrabble games in front of the fire, Irish songs I’ve never heard and Irish blessings I’ve only read, from spunk and gumption, from passion and dreams, and the greatest of these is Love.

Description of photos from top to bottom:

-My grandmother Berta and her family. She is the second smallest child in the line-up.

-My sister, Dad, and me.

-My mom's side of the family plus my brother-in-law and eSuitor (now my fiancé!).

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Bonus Pre-Engagement Flashback!

Before we got engaged, eSuitor took me on this little adventure. I wrote the post back on Dec. 17th, but I decided to wait to post it until after he proposed. Just click on the link and enjoy!

I can't wipe this smile off my face! Here's another photo of our engagement day.





Monday, January 01, 2007

We're Engaged!!!

Happy New Year, everyone! 2007 is off to a great start!


eSuitor and I were in San Diego for New Year's Eve, which was lots of fun. We had dinner with some friends, watched Dream Girls (which we loved), and did a little dancing to welcome the New Year. He suggested that we stop in La Jolla this morning for some breakfast on our way back up to LA. Considering that we like checking out cool places in California and that we often go out for breakfast on the weekends, it didn't seem at all like an out-of-the-ordinary suggestion. We ate at a cafe with a pretty view of the water. Then, we decided to walk up a trail to the top of a cliff to take in the scenery. We sat down on a bench and looked out at the sea. I asked eSuitor if he wanted to talk about our New Year's resolutions. He said that he would indeed. He said that he had one in particular in mind--getting married--and he wondered what I would think about that. I told him that I liked that resolution a lot. Then he said some beautiful and sweet things to me about how much I mean to him and how much he loves me and concluded that getting married would be a definite resolution. "But we can't do that without a ring," he said. Then he put his hand in his pocket and pulled out the lovliest ring, dropped to one knee and asked, "Will you marry me?" I said, "Yes."


Then we kissed.





This is the ring. It's a canary diamond surrounded by pretty white sparklers!





This is the place where we got engaged. I am so blessed and feel truly honored to be marrying such a wonderful man. I love him so much, and my heart is full!





Friday, December 29, 2006

A New Year's Message to my Blog Buddies

When I think back on the many blessings of 2006, one of the greatest has been the discovery of blogging. Oh, what a fabulous outlet it has been--creatively, emotionally, and personally. My main objective in writing it was to have a place to be fully me, a place where I could share the thoughts that I so choose to share with friends and strangers without censoring myself too much. It has been a constant place for creative expression this year, and I honestly would feel less alive without my blog. I have journaled for years, but there is something special about blogging because it allows you the honesty of journaling, along with the opportunity to share those honest thoughts with other humans.

I just want to say "thank you" to my blog buddies who read and comment here. You are those "other humans", and in an unexpected way, I have found a sense of community with you. Some of you I already knew personally. Some of you, I have "met" along the way. One of you, I have been able to meet in person. And another of you, I have talked to on the phone. ALL OF YOU are special and amazing people, who I am grateful to have in my life. You are a support system to me, even if you don't mean to be (though somehow I think that you do)! And while many of you are strangers in the sense that we've never officially met, I count you as friends, because you have let me into your life through your blogs and touched my life by reading and commenting on mine.

May God richly bless you in 2007.

With love,

Starshine

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

*Inhale, Exhale*

I am back in California. I had a wonderful week with eSuitor, visiting my family for Christmas in Texas. On our last night, eSuitor and I had a date at a lovely restaurant, where we feasted on ribs, steak and bananas foster. Mmmm. It was one of those nice, long meals where you sit and talk for hours, not rushing away from the table.

We had a good conversation in which we discussed the events of the week. One of the things that struck me was how great it was to step out of my busy LA life and SLOW DOWN! I got to catch my breath and mosey a little, free from the demands of life in this crazy city. We talked about the importance of practicing "the discipline of slowing" upon our return to So Cal. Already, I can feel what a challenge it will be.

I would love some input. How do you create margin in your busy schedules? How do you practice the discipline of slowing?

Monday, December 25, 2006

O Beautiful Star of Bethlehem, Shine On!

Dear Jesus,

I admit that I have totally been caught up in the holiday whirlwind and not given you anywhere near the attention and focus that I would have liked to. Excuses are not going to help, and I know that is not what you desire. You just want me to love You. So I didn't want to go to bed tonight without pausing for just a moment to tell you that. I love You, Jesus. My life is what it is because of You. Your love allows me to breathe and to live with inner-freedom.

I was sitting in church tonight, listening to the words of "O, Holy Night"

Fall on your knees,
O, hear the angels' voices.
O, night divine,
O, night when Christ was born.


I tried to imagine what it was like for You that holy night when You, the God of the Universe, humbled Yourself and put on human flesh. To live among us. To show us Your love. To save us. I know that it wasn't an original thought, but I want to say "Thank You". Thank You for loving me so much, that You came all those years ago so that I could have a life with You now. That was amazing love. That was and is the best Christmas gift the world has ever known.

I pray, Lord, that as I move into the new year, that I will not be too busy for You. You are the most important thing.

I love You. Because of You, it is a Merry Christmas.

Thank You, Jesus Christ!

Monday, December 18, 2006

Vaca: not just Spanish for "Cow"

That's right people, I'm going on vacation! Tomorrow, I leave for the Lone Star State to spend a week with my family, see some friends, and to celebrate Christmas with loved ones. I hope that my Christmas vacation will be filled with the following:

-quality time with my family--Dad, Mom, sis and bro-in-law.

-fireside chats and cuddles with eSuitor. :)

-Scrabble games. Mom and I usually bring out the board this time of year.

-sampling Alice's famous Christmas cookies.

-celebrating the birth of Jesus.

-reading a couple books that are on my list.

-fitness and being active. I plan to take some nice walks around my Dad's ranch and around my Mom's neighborhood.

-going hunting with my sister. My sister is an incredible markswoman. I don't know if she's planning to hunt with a rifle or a bow-and-arrow, but I'm planning to go sit with her and watch her do her thing!

-celebrate my friend Kelly's 30th birthday! Yay Kell-Bell!

-eat some good Tex-Mex. mmmmm.

-see friends


-go to an annual Christmas eve party with friends from church. It's become a tradition for the last 12 or so years.

-shop.

-see some "Early Bird Specials" at the local theatre with eSuitor.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

They really are a girl's best friend!

On Saturday, I drove down to eSuitor's neck of the woods for lunch. After lunch, he began driving us to an undisclosed location. He took me here, to get my opinion on something:

Nothing was purchased, but looking was never so much fun!!! For the entire rest of the day, I was totally gushy. I'd give eSuitor a compliment about something or tell him that I love him or just have a generally pleased glow about me. He'd say, "It's the diamonds talking, isn't it?", to which I'd giggle and nod. His response: "Wow. I guess they really are a girl's best friend. I might need to take you to look at diamonds more often."

I knew I picked a keeper! ;)

Love you, sweetie!

Friday, December 15, 2006

Old Family Photos

My cousin and fairy godmother, MB, recently lent me a photo album with old black and white family photos. I love looking at pictures, and I'm particularly taken by photos of family members that were taken long before I ever knew them.

This is a picture of my grandparents when they were young and in love. I'm not sure how old they were. In their late teens or early twenties?



I also love this picture of my Dad when he was a little boy. He just looks so precious! I want to squeeze him and give him a hug.





Here's my Dad as a teenager. I like this photo because I can see myself in him. The red hair, the freckles, the nose, and just a hint of mischief!



Thursday, December 14, 2006

The Movie Meme

1. Popcorn or candy? Hot Tamales and Junior Mints, por favor!

2. Name a movie you’ve been meaning to see forever. Braveheart...I know, I know, I should have seen it a long time ago!

3. You are given the power to recall one Oscar: I really wanted Joaquin Phoenix to win for Walk the Line. But I wouldn't want to take anyone's Oscar away from them...that would be mean!

4. Steal one costume from a movie for your wardrobe. Which will it be? Any of Elle Wood's outfits from Legally Blonde.

5. Your favorite film franchise is…Christopher Guest's mockumentaries: Spinal Tap, Waiting for Guffman, Best in Show, A Mighty Wind.

6. Invite five movie people over for dinner. Who are they? Why’d you invite them? What do you feed them?

Carol Burnett
Reese Witherspoon
Lucille Ball (posthumously, of course, but I would have loved to meet her)
Julie Andrews
Kate Winslet

We would have some great girl talk and I imagine that we'd all laugh our booties off. I respect their work so much, and I would love to just gleen knowledge of the craft from them.

Oh, and we'd have pizza followed by ice cream sundaes in our pjs. Cuz that just sounds fun.

7. What is the appropriate punishment for people who answer cell phones in the movie theater?

I thought that was against the law. :)

8. Choose a female bodyguard: Ripley from Aliens. Mystique from X-Men. Sarah Connor from Terminator 2. The Bride from Kill Bill. Mace from Strange Days. ???

9. What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever seen in a movie? I screamed outloud all the way through Signs. I don't handle suspense very well.

10. Your favorite genre (excluding comedy and drama) is?

I love a good Jane Austen romance. I'm a total girl that way. Sense and Sensibility is pretty much a perfect movie.

11. You are given the power to greenlight movies at a major studio for one year. How do you wield this power? I'd make sure that my actor friends and I get cast in some seriously good films, and then give those the green light!

12. Bonnie or Clyde? Bonnie--she wears cool hats.

13: Who are you tagging to answer this survey: Sharon at Grab the Fish

Sunday, December 10, 2006

On Set!



Lights, Camera, Action!

What a great weekend! I just wrapped shooting on my first film since moving to LA! It was so much fun! The film is a spoof of The Chronicles of Narnia. My character was named "Moosy". She's a thickly accented Texan character, with a penchant for smacking her gum, filing her nails, and over-accessorizing. I love comedy, so this role was a total blast to play. I feel very blessed and grateful to have been able to live my dreams this weekend.





Nothing says "Texas-trashy" quite like big hair, fushia press-on nails and many, many accessories!


Here's a picture of one of the crew flocking the trees of the "forest" on set.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Thirteen Life Experiences I'll Never Forget





1.) Waking up in San Antonio, Texas to thirteen inches of freshly fallen snow. And playing and playing and playing in it! We had heard the night before that there was a chance for snow. I was afraid to peek out my curtains when I woke up for fear of disappointment. I was definitely not disappointed! When we'd come in to warm up, our parents didn't let us stay in for too long because they knew that the snow wouldn't last long. It was an awesome couple of days of snow play!

2.) Realizing in fifth grade that I loved acting. I remember auditioning in front of my class and feeling like I had come alive!

3.) My first year living in New York City.

4.) Going to Moscow when I was sixteen.

5.) Meeting Jesus at summer camp.

6.) Having lunch with my Mom, Dad, and sister last year--the first time the four of us were together as a family in thirteen years. It was the most wonderful gift my (divorced) parents could have given me.

7.) Going hunting with my Dad when I was a little girl and listening to "I'm Just a Coca-Cola Cowboy" on the radio together.

8.) Feeling awkward in my college sorority.

9.) Vivid dreams when I was a child that I could fly, and not quite understanding why I couldn't when I woke up.

10.) Special time spent with my mom and John when they came to visit me in Spain. We knew that John was sick with cancer, so it made our time together so full of meaning. I remember crying in his lap and telling him, "I don't want you to die." He was so strong and at peace.

11.) My sister's and my Christmas ritual: sleep in same room, tell each other as we're drifting to sleep that we're pretty sure we heard reindeer on the roof, wake up and check out loot, open stockings together on mom's bed, cinnamon rolls with orange frosting and mimosas, open presents in front of the fire to Perry Como tunes. 'Tis the season!

12.) Being a part of the "triumphant trio". My mom, my sister and me. We have been through so much together. They are my family, my dearest friends and my confidants. I am so blessed to be so close with them. We are a part of each other, and I love that!

13.) Falling in love with eSuitor. Who knew that the simple click of a mouse would be the beginning of such a wonderful relationship?! Of course, it didn't hurt that he had this picture on his profile. When I saw those pecs, I just couldn't resist. Good move, baby! Grrrrr.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

My Knight in Shining Armour

Don't you like the British spelling of "armour" so much more than the American counterpart of "armor"? I do.

The last two days have been so incredibly hectic and full. Let me back up to last week, though. I had an audition for a film that is a comedic spoof on the Chronicles of Narnia. Yesterday, I had a callback and found out today at work that I got the part, and that I needed to be at rehearsal this evening.

To make a very LONG story short, eSuitor and I had planned to have dinner at my apartment this evening when I got off work. Yesterday, I gave him my key (the only copy I have) to let himself into my apartment. That way he could beat rush hour and start cooking dinner before I got home. Well, when I received news of getting the part and having rehearsal this evening, I called him and told him our dinner wouldn't work, at which point he reminded me that he has my only key, and he lives at least 40 mins away from me when there is no traffic at all. I called my landlady, and she assured me that she would let me in when I got home.

Well, I got home and the landlady was nowhere to be found. So Sir Suitor drove all the way to my place and let me in and then drove all the way home. He's not a night owl, by any stretch, so I know what a loving sacrifice he made.

My heart is swelling with gratitude--gratitude for getting the part in this film, gratitute for a warm apartment to come home to, and gratitude for having a man in my life who didn't think anything of driving across town to let me into it.

I am blessed.

Thank You, Lord.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Covered in Crafts!

I have a co-worker who is a truly gifted individual. He has a Docotrate in Conducting (Music), he sings regularly in the chorus of various productions of the LA Opera, and he also loves to crochet. I have often oooed and aaahed over his fabulous creations, and today, he brought in a scarf that I went fairly "gaga" over. I told him how beautiful it was, and he said, "Well, why don't you try it on?" I tried it on and said how much I loved the colors. He responded, "Well, good, because I made it for you!" I was so surprised and touched by his kind and generous gift. It totally made my day! Here is a photo of my new scarf. I'm also wearing a pair of earrings that my boss made and gave me last year. I'm just covered in crafts! I have to marvel at all of us creative types who work behind desks and cubicles by day and turn into mad crafters by night: crocheters, jewelry makers, and bloggers! Ahhh...you gotta love the right side of the brain!


Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Heart-Song

Has anyone seen Happy Feet? At the beginning of the movie, all the newborn penguins are gathered together at school where they are told that each of them has to find their "heart-song". Each penguin has their own heart-song that only they know. It lies deep within each of them, waiting to be learned and sung to the world.

I love the concept of finding and expressing your heart-song because it is, quite frankly, true. Each of us is uniquely created with our own personality, special gifts and talents, and this wonderful life to live! Each of us also has a choice to live as our true selves or to live in hiding, not coming fully alive to all the joy and passion and dreams placed deep within our hearts. I think it is fear that keeps us from coming fully alive to all that we are created to be. Fear that we won't be liked. Fear that we'll be rejected. Fear that we'll make fools of ourselves.

Still, there is only one you. So why not kick fear in the butt and come alive? Share your true self with the world!

I'll close with this awesome quote by modern dance choreographer Martha Graham:

There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium; and be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is, not how it compares with other expression. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open....

Monday, November 27, 2006

Meeting Up with Buttercup

Well, I'm back in Los Angeles after a great Thanksgiving holiday in Texas. I'll be writing about my time there and posting various pictures throughout the week.

One of the highlights of my long weekend was getting to meet one of my blog buddies. I'd never met a blog bud before, so this was a new experience. Buttercup and Bean is one of my favorite blogs. It's authored by two sisters. Buttercup is a self-described "Feminist Lawyer And Wanna-Be Escape Artist Living In NYC". I have thoroughly enjoyed reading her posts over the past year. She is a passionate, genuine, and deeply feeling woman who writes with a refreshing balance of intelligence and vulnerability. We have e-mailed each other about various topics over the past months, and we recently discovered that we would be in the same vicinity for the Thanksgiving holiday!

Having coffee while protecting Buttercup's anonymous blogger identity.
(Yes, we totally got the giggles staging this photo.)

We had a lovely visit and I think we were both pleasantly surprised at how easily we conversed and got along! You can read Buttercup's post about our visit here. One of the most unexpected gifts of blogging has been the unexpected community I've found--a comraderie among "strangers". I found that our conversation seemed to pick up where our blogs left off. We talked about all kinds of things, including family, relationships, and how we decide what topics are "off limits" for our blogs.

I was happy to discover that the Buttercup I enjoy reading is also someone I like "in person". I'm already looking forward to our next visit.

How cool that a blog buddy is now a friend.

Thanks for the visit, Buttercup!


Thursday, November 23, 2006

Thirteen Things for which I'm Thankful



My cell phone.


Blogging.



A lifetime of memories.

Dreams.

My mother's unconditional love.

My sister's friendship.

My father's generosity.

My boyfriend's heart that is always open to me.

Jesus. Your Life in me allows and empowers me to be my true self.



Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Home Sweet Home

eSuitor and I flew in to Texas on the red-eye and got in early this morning. It feels so good to be home.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Margin

One of the great (and difficult) things about living in a big city like Los Angeles is that you get pushed to the edge of yourself and find out what your limits are. I experienced this living in New York. When I would go back to Texas for a visit, people would occassionally comment that I seemed more confident and sure of myself. And in truth, I was. I found out (and continue to find out living here in LA) just exactly what I am made of and what I can handle.

For example, I took a sick day on Monday--partially because I had some tummy trouble, but mostly because my life was getting away from me, and I needed to catch up with it. I spent my day off doing (count 'em!) six loads of laundry, which included bath mats and sofa cushion covers; cleaning the kitchen and cleaning the bathroom. It has felt so good to come home to a clean place all this week.

This morning, Brennan Manning is speaking at my church. For years, I have heard nothing but wonderful things about this man! eSuitor is a huge fan of his writings, and several friends have read his most popular book The Ragamuffin Gospel and loved it.

I'm not at church this morning hearing this fabulous man speak.

One of the lessons I'm learning about myself is that I don't really operate very well without some "margin" in my life. Margin to breathe, to exercise, to write on my blog, to slow down a bit, to hear from the Lord. I desperately need all of these things. So I chose them this morning.

Often the best choice comes at the expense of something good. It feels good to have made the best choice for myself today.

Follow-up note written Sunday evening (11/19/06) at 9:51 pm:

Brennan Manning spoke at church today during the regular Sunday service, and as they say in Texas, he really "blessed my socks off". He spoke about the unfathomable love of God for all of us, which was very good to meditate on. The thing that touched me the most was the benediction. Brennan is getting old and looking a bit frail, but his voice still booms with passion. For the benediction, he gave the famous Irish blessing:
May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
And rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.

I've heard and read this blessing many times, but actually receiving such a blessing spoken from the heart of such a humble and passionate man of God was truly moving. And when he made the sign of the cross with his right hand and said, "In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit", I couldn't hold back the tears.

God is so good.



Thursday, November 16, 2006

Readin', Readin', Readin'

J at Thinking About...recently wrote this post, which she first read about here.

It is a challenge to read five books that have been piling up on your bedside table by the end of January. I've decided to join in, and I'll be writing reviews of them as I go. Click on the titles, if you'd like more info on each book.

These are my five choices:

The Intimate Mystery by Dan B. Allender and Tremper Longman III

The Jesus I Never Knew by Philip Yancey

For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn

Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys by Dave Barry

The Life of Our Lord by Charles Dickens (my holiday reading)

I'd write more, but I've got some reading to do!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Warning: I'm about to be cynical

Today, a guest speaker came to talk to my group at work about blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. We all walked into the training room and sat down at our various places, where we were greeted with a sheet of rules by which to abide for the following two hours. *joy!* I love rules. They read as follows (my comments in parentheses):

1. Please turn pagers/phones to silence. (Okay, I can go with this one. I mean, duh, but thank you for the reminder.)

2. Come back from breaks on time. (This is where things immediately got dicey for me. I mean seriously, if a speaker is interesting, does he really need this rule?)

3. Listen when others are talking. (Thank you. I'm pretty sure I remember this one from third grade, but whatever.)

4. Feel free to ask questions.

5. Appreciate the other person's point of view. (See parenthetical comment on #3).

6. Practice learned skills on the job. (Is that rule really necessary, since I really can't implement it until after the training is over?)

7. Enter into the discussion enthusiastically. (I'll give it the good college try, but I ain't makin' any promises.)

8. Have fun!! (Color me skeptical, but I just don't see that happening in this particular scenario.)

What if the speaker simply printed these rules in reverse order and inserted the word "please" every now and then? They still would have bugged, but maybe not as much.

Which rule bugs you the most? It's National Open Season on Rules Day, so let it out!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Age of Aquarium

Saturday, eSuitor and I went to the Aquarium in Long Beach. We saw some beautiful sea creatures. Here are a few of my favorite photos of our visit.


Maybe it was then...

When I was in high school, I had a somewhat bizarre obsession with preppiness. I regularly consulted The Official Preppy Handbook for fashion advice, and I even applied to prep schools in New England. Both the Handbook and my Dad informed me that the turtleneck was the quintessential preppy shirt. Maybe it was then that turtlenecks became my preferred style of shirt.

Or maybe it was when I was in preschool, and my mom bought me a blue, velour turtleneck sweater. I wasn’t wild about it at first, but I remember taking a cozy, winter nap in it and feeling comforted by it once when I was sick. Yeah, it was probably then.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Know Thyself Meme

One of my blog buddies, Cherry over at Cherry Extract, tagged me for this meme. Thanks, Cherry! I feel like I got picked by one of the cool kids in gym class to be on their team for dodgeball. Sweet!

As Socrates once said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." So this was a good opportunity to do a quick self-examination. Not always fun, but nearly always good.

What is/are YOUR:

Easy how-to ways to beat a bad mood? Hmmm. I’m not sure they are easy, but I tend to do any of the following, not necessarily in this order:
-Call someone. I’m a verbal processor, so it often helps me to talk my emotions/the situation at hand through with someone I trust and who loves me. eSuitor, my mom, my sister and a few close friends (and sometimes all of the above) receive phone calls from an emotional Tracy from time to time.
-I find that getting outside and taking a nice, long walk is a great way to blow off some steam.
-Cry it out: always a good stress-reliever. The bathroom stalls of my office have witnessed more than one of these mini-meltdowns. It’s a good thing.
-Pray. I wish I would remember to do this one first, but usually it happens last. Funny how the Person Who created me might just be able to comfort me when I bring my struggles and burdens and my emotional self to Him. Hmmm. Why isn’t this the first thing on my list? I guess I’m a slow learner.

Never-fail lip color? Mary Kay “Passion Flower” lip gloss. It is the perfect pink with a hint of orange that just seems to work with my “autumn” color scheme and fair coloring. I can wear it all year round.

Personality type (via myersbriggs)? I am an ENFP—that would be Extrovert, iNtuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving. One of the coolest things about eSuitor is that he knows all about the Myers-Briggs test, so whenever I do or say something that is a little off his radar screen, he’ll say something like, “You’re such an ‘N’”. It’s nice because even though, I don’t always make sense to him, he really accepts me for who I am. I love that!

Greatest strengths and weaknesses (like in a job interview)?
Strengths:
-Creative
-I see the big picture
-Good interpersonal skills
-Responsible/dependable.

Weaknesses:
-Not a good multi-tasker
-Not particularly detail-oriented
-Criticism (even the constructive kind) can be very hard for me to hear. I think it comes with feeling things deeply. I tend to take criticism very personally. I do listen to it and take it very much to heart. It’s just an internal struggle that I hope isn’t too evident to the person that is trying to help me with their comments.
-If the words “tedious”, “highly analytical”, or “engineering skills” are part of the job description, you probably (definitely) don’t want to hire me for this job.

Names of the trees in your yard?
I don’t have a yard, but when I look out my window, I see a palm, and I feel oh so “California”.


Mother-in-law'’s favorite flower?
I’m not married (yet!!!). However, I feel 99.9% sure that eSuitor knows what his mom’s favorite flower is. So if she becomes my MIL someday, he can give me the 4-1-1.

I'm not sure how often he checks in at The Star Shine Report, but if you're reading, I tag The Cachinnator to do this meme next! Somehow, I think he would have some fun answers to these questions.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Maybe it was then….

Never a child who liked playing with dolls, I was much more likely to be found up in a tree. I loved climbing trees--especially in the fall, when it was cool outside, and I could wear jeans and not get my legs scratched by the bark of the oaks in my backyard. Being up in a tree looking down on the world through the yellow autumn leaves provided me with the perfect blend of adventure and solitude. Maybe it was then that autumn became my favorite season.

Or maybe it was when my parents would rake leaves into piles all over the yard. And then my sister and I got to jump into them. Yeah…it was probably then.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Halfway There…A Fairy Tale

Once upon a time there lived a princess. We’ll call her Tracy because…why not? Princess Tracy lived in the State of Singleness. No one in Singleness was married, because they were, well, single. Many people living in Singleness tried to escape that State as soon as possible. However Princess Tracy wasn’t in a huge hurry to leave Singleness. She enjoyed her life there. It was, after all, the State where she was born. She’d lived there all her life, and sometimes, she secretly pitied her friends who fled the State of Singleness at a young age. Living in Singleness, after all, had its advantages, and by lingering there, it had afforded the princess many opportunities to grow and learn, to travel, and most importantly to know herself well.

During her years living in the State of Singleness, the princess saw many of her friends move away. While she was a little sad to be left behind each time one of them left, she was always happy for them, and wished them well on their journey as they crossed the river. You see, the State of Singleness is bordered by the State of Marriage. They are separated by the rushing and dangerous River Courtship. All anyone from Singleness had to do in order to move away was find another person from Singleness that they really loved, and they then had to cross the raging River Courtship together. Couples from Singleness crossed the River Courtship in any number of ways. Some rented speedboats and jetted across it so quickly that they really missed the beauty of the journey. Sometimes those couples would walk along the banks of the river and wonder why they didn’t tarry there longer. Others jumped on a raft and rode the rapids of the River Courtship for years and years. Usually, that got old and they would get motion sickness, and eventually make their way to the banks of the State of Marriage a little bedraggled from the long journey, but happily refreshed by their newfound citizenship. Occasionally, a couple would fancy themselves good swimmers and they would brave the dangerous waters without anything to keep them afloat. That was such a hit-or-miss method (the currents of the River Courtship are very strong) that most couples avoided it altogether, as the outcome was never certain. Usually, the couple would arrive on the shore of one State or the other choking up water that had gone down the wrong pipe.

The most sure-fire way to make it across the River Courtship was via Dating Bridge. Dating Bridge was the route most of Princess Tracy’s friends had taken in their journey from The State of Singleness to The State of Marriage. It seemed the safest bet for most of the couples leaving Singleness, because it had several checkpoints along the way--checkpoints that included phone dates, coffee dates, dates to meet friends, dates to meet family members, dates together, and even dates apart to check in with oneself along the journey. The interesting thing about Dating Bridge, though, is that it is a bridge without guarantees. Princess Tracy was perplexed by the number of times she and so many others from the State of Singleness had begun journeys across Dating Bridge only to find at one of the checkpoints that a big red flag would begin waving as a sign appeared reading, “Proceed with extreme caution. Recommendation: Return to the State of Singleness ASAP.”

One day, the princess met a handsome knight. We’ll call him Sir Suitor because…why not? He was blonde and tall with blue eyes and broad shoulders. He was, in the words of the princess, “totally yummy”. In addition to his impressive physical attributes, the knight had a warm and noble heart. It was a heart of integrity and character. A heart that Princess Tracy believed she could trust. As the princess got to know the knight, she was so taken by him that she found herself thinking with more and more confidence that she would be willing to leave the State of Singleness and cross the dangerous River Courtship with Sir Suitor. One lovely Saturday, Sir Suitor surprised the princess with a kiss and asked her to be his girlfriend. In a pleased daze, the princess obliged the knight, and with that, they began their journey across Dating Bridge. They passed the initial checkpoints in flying colors. Dinner dates and coffee dates and phone dates every night only confirmed for the couple that their feelings for each other were true. Other dates with friends and family further confirmed what the couple felt deep in their hearts. The couple even took some time to be apart for three weeks, and their conclusion was the same. This was love, and they both knew it.

One crisp autumn day, the couple was strolling across Dating Bridge hand-in-hand, when they stopped to take in the view. The waters of the River Courtship sparkled below, reflecting the sun’s happy rays. Suddenly all was quiet. As Sir Suitor and the princess looked around, they realized that they were halfway across the bridge. They smiled at each other as their stomachs did mini flip-flops. They talked about how far they had come in the short time they had known each other. They marveled at how close they had grown. Neither had made it this far across the bridge without red flags waving, sirens blaring, or loved ones shouting “Beware!”. They only felt peace. They talked and confessed that they both wanted to continue on their journey to the State of Marriage, and they continued across the bridge.

After only a few more steps, the architecture of the bridge changed. The first half of the bridge was wide and paved, and pretty easy to cross. But now the bridge grew narrower. For a while, the two could still walk side-by-side, but soon Dating Bridge was single file with no railings. Sir Suitor walked in front of the princess, making sure each step was safe and offering his hand to steady her. Once or twice the princess looked down and shuddered because the raging waters were so far below. She had fallen from the bridge once before, and she closed her eyes tight, trying not to remember. Sir Suitor whispered to the princess in his loving and steady voice, “Open your eyes, sweet princess. It’s going to be okay.” She opened them, and looked at her knight, and she tried not to be scared. After taking a few more steps, the sidewalk narrowed into a tightrope. It seemed that the rest of the couple’s journey to the State of Marriage would be riskiest part of all. “Can’t we zoom across this last part like a zip line?” the frightened princess asked her knight. Sir Suitor replied with his steady gaze, “The journey cannot be rushed.” The princess insisted that there must be some way. The sound of the threatening waters below taunted her. Sir Suitor heard the sound of the river, too. The knight and the princess looked each other square in the eye. Both knew that the tightrope was a kind of a test. Only the knight knew that time spent on the tightrope, steadily moving closer and closer to the shore was the safest way to arrive on the banks of the State of Marriage. Princess Tracy was skeptical, but she loved Sir Suitor. And she trusted him. Both trusted in the King, who ruled over both States with great care. They knew that it was really His loving hand that had sustained them on their journey all along, and that only His hand would bring them safely to their new home.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Just Around the Corner

I always like this time of year. November has arrived, and with it twinges of the holidays. Holiday-themed magazines are in the checkout line at the supermarket, holiday catalogues are arriving in the mail, and airline tickets are being booked to fly home for the holidays. Hints of celebration are in the air.

So much joy lurking just around the corner.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

A Happy Welcome to ???

This is my new car! Isn't it cute?! What do you think I should name it? I was thinking about naming it "Snowball". I just enjoy the irony of driving a snowball around sunny Los Angeles!

A Fond Farewell to the Zipper a.k.a. the Bitch-Mobile

Dear Little Zipper,

We've had quite a good run together. I remember when I first got you back in 1999. You were only three years old, so cute and green. I had just moved back to Texas from New York City, where I hadn't been driving a car for a few years. When I drove you off the lot, I prayed that God would always keep me safe while I was driving you. And He did! That's not to say that you and I didn't find ourselves in a bit of trouble from time to time, but He always kept us from harm. Remember that time when another car unexpectedly pulled out into an intersection and I had to swerve to miss it? You fish-tailed right and left and right and left again and then you spun around facing us the wrong way and we skidded right into the median. We had a soft landing in the brush...right between two trees, without hitting either one of them.

I'll never forget the day I walked out of work, and saw that someone had scratched the word "BITCH" onto your hood. That was SO not nice of them! I tried to buff it out, but it never went completely away...and I was secretly happy. That mean person had no idea that his/her act of vandalism made you that much cooler. Before you were my little Zipper. But now you were my bitchin' Zipper, or as you affectionately came to be know by all who asked about your scratches, The Bitch-Mobile. Thanks for rolling with the punches on that one.

We've had some good times together, too. Lots of highway time to and from rehearsals and performances. Singing songs together. We even drove out to LA together. Thank you for being so reliable. I know that last week, when all of your dashboard lights came on and you fizzled out, you were just worn out. You didn't mean any harm. I'll miss you, dear Zipper. Thanks for the memories!

Your friendly driver,

Tracy

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Scenes from Halloween at Work


The Justice League!
(Is it just me, or do I look like I'm posing for a high school cheerleading picture?)


This is my co-worker. He made his own costume. Doesn't he look wonderfully wizard-ful?! He is Dumbledor from Harry Potter.


You may think Wonder Woman is chillin' in her cubicle, but she's actually in her invisible plane...you just can't see it!

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Happy Halloween!!!

Captain Jack and Wonder Woman went to a Halloween dance party on Friday!



Wonder Woman hasn't been able to stop thinking about the pirate since. She never found herself interested in pirates in the past. They have a reputation for being bad guys, and we all know that bad guys aren't too popular with members of the Justice League. Still, when Capt. Jack swung her around the dance floor, she discovered that his heart was noble and true. Her golden lasso of truth told her so! Wonder Woman can't wait until the next time she finds herself in the arms of Capt. Jack.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Twice Tearful

Last night, I had the wonderful experience of watching the Mojalet Dance Collective perform a modern dance piece choreographed to Mozart's Requiem. Complete with a live orchestra and choir, this live performing arts evening was truly memorable.

I found my eyes welling up with tears twice during the performance. The first time was for the same reason I almost always tear up during live performances: resonance. The live performing arts experience so resonates with my soul, I cannot help but cry. I feel a mix of pride for the artists on stage, joy that life can be experienced through the arts, and yearning for the next time that I'll get to be on a stage myself. It is what the old cowboy in City Slickers means when he talks about "the one thing". That thing that you are created for, that you were meant to do. I never feel more alive (except when I am worshipping God and in close communion with Him) than I do when I am performing. But I think perhaps that doing what you are meant to do can be an act of worship, if it is done for His glory. It is, in essence, saying "God, look what I can do with the gift you gave me! Thank You!" I think God looks back at us when we do that in the same way a proud parent looks at their child riding for the first time on their new bike with no training wheels--with radiant pride and joy.

The second time I cried was when one of the dancers I was watching moved in such a way that I was simply overcome with the beauty of the movement. It was art in motion, and I was inspired by it. In my fast-paced Los Angeles life, I rarely slow down long enough to sit still and notice the beauty all around me. To sit still for an hour and a half last night and have beauty wash over me was a lovely and soul-nourishing gift.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Reasons Why Anne is One of My Bes Frennies!

Almost four years ago, Anne and I became friends. We worked together in Spain, and we hit it off from the get-go.

1.) She is the funniest person I know. The other day I got an e-mail from her bemoaning the fact that I wasn’t there when she made a joke before a roomful of people who didn’t laugh. She knew I would have laughed. And she was right.

2.) The great thing is, I am the funniest person that Anne knows. Not everyone thinks I’m funny. But there is something about being with Anne. She just gets my sense of humor. I guess we bring out the funny in each other.

3.) Anne taught me the “pretty feet” pose, seen in this picture (Mom, me, Anne left to right).

Anne and her sister started doing the pretty feet pose after they saw Morgan Fairchild doing this pose while shaving her legs in a movie. They just thought it was hilarious that M.F. was in the tub shaving with perfectly pointed toes. Is that funny to you too? I’m snickering just thinking about it! Anne lives all the way across the country, but every time we see each other, we invent new pretty feet poses.

4.) Anne always travels with a headlight—you know a flashlight that you wear on your head—just in case she needs it. Usually it comes in handy for doing hand puppet shows. She’s a very handy lady!

5.) Whed we’re id a silly mood, we like to talk like we have colds. That’s why she likes to comment on my blog as “Ad”, because when Anne has a cold, it’s pronounced “Ad”.

6.) We were each other’s English speaking friend in Spain, so that really helps forge a friendship.

7.) We have an annual birthday tradition. Both of us were born in the same month of the same year, so we try to meet somewhere for our b-days every year. It’s a very fun tradition, and one that I hope we can continue!

8.) She’s a smarty!

9.) We talk to each other in Dr. Evil voices. It’s truuuue. We dooooo.

10.) When in need of a good cry, I can call her.

11.) When in need of a good laugh, I can call her.

12.) When I need someone to pray for me, Annie always does.

13.) Her hair has a great personality, too!

Love you, Annie! Thaggs for beig by bes fred.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Feeling Shell-Shocked

As I have mentioned before, the mortgage industry is taking a big hit right now. The housing market is very slow, and this affects lending companies, too.

This morning, my boss “Robin” was an hour late for work. I called her on her cell phone to make sure she was okay. She was in her car, and said she’s fine. End of conversation. I hung up assuming that she’d be walking into work shortly.

A few minutes later, my dear co-worker “Ann” who is my cubicle neighbor, sent me an e-mail with the subject line “Hit by lay-off—Bye”. Indeed, she had been let go. Ugh. She is a wonderful woman. A widow raising her two grandchildren.

A few minutes after that, the big boss called me and “Maria” into her office. She informed us that “Ann” had been laid-off and that “Robin”, our boss, volunteered to be laid-off. When I had talked to her earlier this morning, she wasn’t driving into work at all. She was driving across the country, moving to her new home. I’ll miss her. She was a great woman and boss.

“Maria” and I are the last two standing in our little group. “Maria” is my new boss, and thankfully, we have a very good working relationship.

Still, it’s just so shocking that this lay-off is affecting two people who I have grown close to through my day job. I also feel very humbled that for some reason I am still here. I don’t understand it, but I’m grateful.

Monday, October 23, 2006

Stranded, But Not Alone

Today, I decided to run some headshots/resumes over to my agent's office on my lunch break. No problem! Jump in my car, drop them off, jump back in car. Be back at work all in about an hour.

NOT!!!

After dropping them off, I got back in my car, and it was acting like it didn't want to start. Actually, it would start, but it would die when I put it into gear. Finally, I was able to get it gassed and in gear. I got on the highway to head back to work, and traffic was all backed up! I made it about a mile down the highway when all the lights on my dash came on as the car. done. died. Thankfully, I was able to move across one lane and cruise onto the shoulder where my car stopped all on it's own. No brakes needed!

*crying can now commence*

Here's my little "zipper"
sittin' pretty on the shoulder.

I realized some important things in this moment:

1.) My mother is a genius. I love, love, love her and want to publically thank her for telling me to sign up for Verizon's roadside assistance offer. All I had to do was dial *ROAD, and someone was on the line and had a tow truck coming my way. Just $2/month. And today, I didn't have to pay a cent!

2.) I have a wonderful boyfriend. He is in Florida on a business trip this week, but he stayed all calm with me on the phone while I had a mini emotional meltdown. He called me between meetings and texted me during meetings to make sure that I was okay. Thanks, eSuitor, for helping me through today's car crisis from all the way across the country.

3.) God has blessed me with some fabulous friends and family. It was such a comfort to have a cell phone with numbers of people I could call to ask to pray for me when I was scared.

Once I calmed down a bit and knew that a tow truck was on the way, I decided there was no way this kind of drama would come my way without getting some photo documentation to put it on my blog.

The tow truck came and took me safely to my auto shop. Once it was unloaded at the shop, it started to behave, and they couldn't find a thing wrong with it. Go fig. The Zipper is spending the night at the shop to go through some diagnostic testing. Tomorrow they will try to figure out what the problem is. In the meantime, I'm driving a rental that I got for a very reasonable price.

Now that the day is done, and I'm home safe and sound, I want to give thanks to God for keeping me safe and for providing for my needs today. Thank You, Lord!

It's a Small World, After All!

This was a fun weekend! My good friend K and her hubby J (from Texas) were in town, so eSuitor and I joined them on Saturday for a day at Disneyland! Immediately, my kid-at-heartness bubbled right up to the surface. It's not everyday that you see Mary Poppins and Bert strolling arm-in-arm down Main Street, ya know?

We went on Space Mountain, took a "doom buggy" ride through the Haunted Mansion (which I kept wanting to call the Spooky Kooky Castle*), and we toured the Amazon on the Jungle Cruise. My new favorite ride is called Soarin' Over California. It is so cool! It's a ride that synchronizes a flight over the most beautiful landscapes of California. It's done in front of an Imax Screen. It was seriously cool to feel like I was soaring over the Golden Gate Bridge.

*The Spooky Kooky Castle, incidentally, is a now defunct show performed by two otters at Sea World. I knew was wasn't making it up!)

Here are some fun pics of the day:

Me and my friend, K.

Arrgh, matey! eSuitor...my very own Jack Sparrow!

In front of a Hollywood fake backdrop at California Adventure.


Feelin' the love at Tarzan's Treehouse.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Operation: Wonder Whoa-Man!

At the beginning of the month, my roommate and I set a goal for ourselves to lose "x" number of pounds by the end of the month. We would do this by making healthy eating choices and going walking together. Week one was going swimmingly. I lost three or four pounds because I stuck to my plan. (Amazing how that works!). Then, I thought it wouldn't hurt to eat an entire pack of slice and bake chocolate chip cookie dough over the course of four days.

Hey, look! There's the wagon. Wait a minute...I'm not on it!

*drumroll, please...cymbal crash!* I'm back on the wagon, people! And this time, I have a serious incentive to stay on. You see, my office is having a dress-up day for Halloween with a Superhero theme, and I will be going as my favorite superheroine. (I already bought my Wonder Woman costume, and it's cute! Finally, after all these years, I'll get to dress as WW! My little sister (pictured at left) got to have WW underoos when we were little. Somehow, I ended up with Scoobee-Doo. I SOOOOOOOO got the short end of the stick on that deal! I love this photo of my sister. The belly and the knees are too cute! And notice that the "cape" is actually a nightgown tied around her neck--what a resourceful kid!)

So last night, I had to kick it into Cuervo and start what will heretofore be referred to as "Operation: Wonder Whoa-Man!". That means that I need to drop some poundage quick to look like the hot crime fighter that I will be, come Oct. 31st. I don't think cellulite is tolerated in the Justice League. Then again, maybe Wonder Woman wore control top panty hose. I'm pretty sure she did.

No Fair! I Want One Too!!!

Autumn's Mom got one.

Ally Bean did, too.

So I had to jump on the band wagon and create an avatar of my own. It's mini me! Ain't she precious?!!!

Monday, October 16, 2006

What could be better...


than a Saturday evening spent with eSuitor and a cup of Mud Pie Mojo?

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Thursday Thirteen: My First Thirteen Months in Los Angeles

September 2005: Cross-country Road Trip: Mom, Sis and I drove half way across the US of A from Texas to California in my little Japanese commuter car. On that trip:

-we stopped along the way and had lunch with my Dad. It was the first time we had all been together (just the 4 of us) since I was 18. It was truly a powerful and awesome experience. There is nothing like family. Mom, Dad and Jilly: I love you all!

-Friends from Texas were calling us saying that Hurricane Rita was on its way and that lots of people were evacuating.

-A few days after arriving in LA, I had a fender-bender.

October 2005: My grandmother passed away. She lived to be 95 years old. In her own words, she was "a tough old bird".

November 2005: I had my first two acting gigs in LA!

December 2005: From almost day one in LA, I knew that I had the worst roommate situation since my freshman year in college. The clincher came in December when my roommate, who offered to drive me to the airport to fly home for Christmas pulled a no-show, and left me frantically scrambling to find a ride. Thank the Lord for taxi-cabs!

January 2006: I decided to do the online dating thing through eHarmony.

February 2006: Tensions with my roommate got so bad that I decided to move out. I found a new place, and coordinated the move all by myself. I really felt like a grown-up! (I now have a fabulous roommate, and we get along great!) I also started my blog in February, which has brought my a lot of joy!

March 2006: I met a fabulous guy--eSuitor!

April 2006: I felt like a I really lived in LA when my church held their Easter Sunday service at the Hollywood Bowl. First kiss with eSuitor was the day before Easter. I got to celebrate my first kiss with eSuitor and the resurrection of our Lord all in the same weekend! ;)

May 2006: My Dad found out that he had a very serious cancer--metastatic melanoma. My sister and I spent time with him as he was receiving his treatments. I had never seen my Dad suffer so much. He is such a strong fighter! He really is one of my heroes. I love you, Dad! (Follow-up note: Please keep praying for my Dad's healing and strength. He will begin an alternative treatment next week, and I know he would appreciate your prayers.)

June 2006: Falling in love!

July 2006: July 4th was an awesome day that began at the beach, continued at Dodger stadium for a game and fireworks, and ended with words that I won't forget!

August 2006: One of my goals when I moved to Los Angeles was to spend more time with my relatives in San Francisco. eSuitor and I had an awesome roadtrip and a fun weekend with family.

September 2006: September was a month full of familiar feelings--the sense that I had come full circle. Senses tend to bring me back in time. The smells of the season, the coolness in the air, music in my car all brought me back to this time a year ago. When everything was new. When I was teetering on the edge of a new adventure. When I felt scared of this new life and hopeful at the same time. Looking back one year later gives me a feeling of accomplishment. A feeling of "Phew! I made it!". A feeling of gratitude for all that God has done.

"But be sure to fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you." 1 Samuel 12:23

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

The Last Two Weekends in Pictures

Boy, I've gotten behind on posting some fun pics!

A couple weekends ago, I made a quick trip home for my friend's wedding in Tejas. It was lots of fun and a great excuse to see my family! Plus, Monicunchita (nickname), the exchange student who lived with us in high school was in town, so I got to see her too! Here's a pic of my sis, Monicunchita, me and mom.


This past weekend, eSuitor and I drove into the mountains and spent the day in Lake Arrowhead and Big Bear. It was cool and lovely. Beautiful scenery and fall color. We even happened upon an Octoberfest! Check it out!

Driving up to Lake Arrowhead, this view took my breath away.

Lake Arrowhead has the cutest little shopping center that looks like Germany...

...the perfect setting for lederhosen and an Octoberfest!

Fall color!!!!!

When I look into his eyes, I see myself...okay at least I can see my reflection in his sunglasses. eSuitor is totally working his mountain man look in the plaid flannel. Yummy!

Ray of Hope

Last night, my agent called and is sending me out on an audition today in the late morning. It's for an Office Max ad. I'm auditioning for the part of "businesswoman", so I wore my suit to work today.

Thank you so much for your encouraging words yesterday. They really meant a lot, and each comment was like a gust of wind propelling me through the day.

God is faithful and good, and I'm thankful for the gift of today's audition. :)

Follow-up note: Now it's 3pm. My audition went well! I'll let you know if there is any good news. Thanks again for your encouragement!

Monday, October 09, 2006

Remembering to Breathe

For the last couple of months, I have had a sort of on-going anxiety. Sometimes it is simmering just beneath the surface and other times it is a raging boil. Sometimes I forget about it altogether, but not for very long. I think it has to do with several different factors in life right now, but the one that is currently causing the anxiety to bubble up is my job.

There is nothing wrong with my job. The people are friendly; the atmosphere is clean (if not a little bland); and the work, after all, is just work. The problem with my job is me. I’m just not made for this kind of work. When I drive to the office some days, I feel a tightening in my stomach, as I anticipate the next nine hours. Already this morning, when the big boss walked by my desk, I noticed myself breathing in this weird way—not fluid, natural breaths; but square, regimented breaths. I had to remind myself to breathe normally.

In a really bad moment a couple weeks ago, I wrote the below poem. It’s pretty angsty, but it was the best way I could come up with to describe how absolutely draining it is to press myself into a mold that doesn’t fit me.


On Being Something I’m Not

My soul is a creative pool of life.

My soul is a garden.
My soul has important things to say and sing.
My soul feels joy in expression.

My dear, creative soul is doing its best to be something that it isn’t.
The creative pool of life is becoming a miry dead sea.
Plenty of desert sun, but no water for the garden. No fruit or flowers.
Important things to say and sing are said and sung in sterile stalls and echoing stairwells.
My soul, that longs to express itself, feels sick and stifled and like it wants to vomit so it can breathe again.


I know that this won’t last forever. It’s just a means to an end. I’m grateful for it, but how long, God?

Friday, October 06, 2006

Otto Titzling Would Be So Proud

Yesterday evening, my roommate and I went to a park to take a walk. Here's a snippet of our conversation:

Me: Roomie, I'm so proud of us for getting out here and exercising.

Roomie: I know! Me too! I'm not at home sitting on the sofa being a couch potato. No, I'm out here with nature and getting a workout.

Me: Exactly! And me? I'm no slouch either. I put on my collar and I'm out here taking myself for a walk...and by collar I mean sports bra, of course.

Roomie: Of course.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Let's Talk "Shop", Shall We?

One of the most exciting phone conversations I've had in the last year was when my agent called me to offer me representation. One of the most discouraging things has been the lack of phone calls I've received from the agency ever since (to send me on auditions). I've been praying for auditions lately, and I love how God often answers prayer through a backdoor approach.

When I left Texas to move to LA, my agent there told me that they still wanted to represent me, and that they'd let me know if any auditions came up in LA that they could send me on. For the first time in a year, they called me on Tuesday to tell me about an audition that I had this morning. (Thank You, God!) The audition was for the part of an 1800s French nurse.

My first thought: what to wear? Audition protocol is to dress "close to" the character without actually costuming yourself. In other words, wear an outfit that suggests a nurse without dressing in an actual nurse's costume. Being a redhead, white isn't my best color, so I don't have much white in my closet. So my mission (and, yes, I chose to accept it) was to find the perfect white cotton blouse that said "1800s French nurse". Of course, my dear friend Ann Taylor invited me over to her Loft where I found this. What'd ya think?

Monday, October 02, 2006

Meet Lincee, "The Bachelor" Blogger!

Did anyone watch the season premier of The Bachelor last night? Whether you did or not, I have a new blog for you to check out, but first I must give you a little history.

Lincee is a friend of my sister and me. She has a great personality and a sassy Texan accent to go with it. A few years ago, Lincee started writing hilarious, satirical recaps of each episode of The Bachelor, which she sent out in e-mails to a few friends and family members. Her friends and family thought they were so funny, they forwarded them on to their friends who would ask Lincee to add them to her distribution list. At the end of last year, she had 1000 people on her e-mail distribution list. All those e-mail addresses were too much for dear Lincee to keep up with, so she decided to start recapping each episode on a blog.

She started her blog last season, and after putting up her first post, her blog got 20,000 hits in its first week. By the end of the season, she was getting upwards of 100,000 hits on her blog each week! One of her regular commentors was the show's host, who somehow tracked her down and invited her out to LA to sit in the studio audience of The Bachelor Tells All episode. Oh, and did I mention that Lincee is my friend??? I'm friends with a blog celebrity!!!

Here's a pic of Lincee when she came out to Hollywood at the end of last season's The Bachelor to see the taping of "The Bachelor Tells All".


So for a fun read and a good laugh, check out this season's first post at The Bachelor Recaps!

Pretty, Sweet, and Creative...


This is my fabulous sister. Isn't she beautiful?!! She has been taking a cake decorating class, and her designs are too cute!!! I just had to post them to my bloggy.












Here is a closeup on the flower cake.

















Birthday clowns:

















Yellow Rose of Texas: